Last night I had a dream that my brother got robbed. It was odd because he lived right next door Which he doesn't. During the dream he came over to my house, then he turned into my dad with gray hair.Only he still had his same svelte body. Unlike dad who had a pot belly in his later years.
After pondering the dream for a time, I realize my brother really has been robbed. Our parents were both deceased by the time he was thirty. It was a difficult adjustment for him.Thankfully he was already established, unlike many thirty year olds today.
I think he got tangled in an unfullfilling marriage on a quest for family. Ultimately wanting a wife who would have the maternal qualities our mother had. Things fell short, he's now remarried. Although she is a dynamic woman like mom, she is far from maternal! What she lacks in mothering skills he makes up for. Is being maternal a good thing?I'm not sure anymore!
The moment a woman says yes to divorce she risks the father of her children becoming a complete stranger. A person she possibly never really knew. Chancing he will abandon his title and responsibility as dad too!
This week on face book I was disheartened to read many young adults griping about their fathers in support of a mother whose children were not informed or invited to their father’s nuptials. Those in their twenties revealing repulsion towards dads, who blatantly put forth no effort to understand, support, or care for their children's physical or emotional needs.
Many fathers jump hoops to meet their children’s needs . I personally know lots like that. Unfortunately there are more who walk away. Guilt free, rarely looking back, oblivious of the damage inflicted. Some will occasionally throw a pittance of compensation at the kids out of obligation.
Children of divorce are hurting! I saw in their words of disdain, competing for pity at whose father was the most neglectful. As women do we need to educate sons better on the importance of fatherhood and commitment to their offspring?
I was my brother’s conscience during divorce. Warning of early introductions to new partners, being Christmas daddy (giving them everything but correction on his time) at the mothers’ expense, and clearly listening open mind and heart to what your children need. Thankfully he’s made of the right stuff, my mother for one, innately putting his kids first. If he started to veer off path in anger, I steered him back. It’s paying off ten fold for him. He has a tender loving relationship with both children. They trump everything in his life, and know they’re loved implicitly!
Many children sound selfish gauging their importance by how much cash daddy throws their way. After all isn’t that what custody payments teach? It’s often all they get, if that! I hear over and over again, particularly from step parents, “the greedy spoiled kids want everything.” Well YES they do want everything, but you have it misconstrued. They want their dad back, they want life as they once knew it, they want security, they want to know they are loved by him, they want to matter more than a new girlfriend, a new car, a new job!!! They want their dad to know who they are, what they need, and how they feel!!! They want to know how their dad values them, they want his time, and to know what their worth is ….if they have to use cash as a gauge, they do! Guess what? The cash usually always falls short!!!
My hands are tied on this one as I have watched my own child suffer repeatedly
feeling like Cinderella, undervalued, and disregarded. Thankfully the slipper fit and she married her prince instead!
What will the ramifications be?
Fathers who forget
To know their children
Forget to feed their souls
Fathers who forgo
A Childs love
Deprive the roots
They sow
Wounded are the Children
On a Merry go round
Of discontent
Permanently Perplexed
By parental desertion
Despondently
They’re vexed
Smug is the adult offspring
A once forgotten child
Deciding his worth
With pride
On the dollar sum
A mandatory value
Notably implied
Fathers who forget
What babies implore
Will eventually
Pay a hefty fee
Restricted or impugned
While the leaves fall
from the family tree!
Quotes from Sidney Poitier
“The true measure of a man is how he provides for his children”
" But my dad also was a remarkable man, a good person, a principled individual, a man of integrity. "
Are the good old days but of failed memory of what really was?
Did we choose to rewrite our past, scribbling out that youthful angst and splotchy parts?
Was it really a better time without the current technology that affords us travel and connection through the universe on a chair in our home?
Or were the snippets of beauty in each passing day what we chose to hold onto, letting the ugly fade away?
After dad died, mother missed him dreadfully. I think it lead to her demise five years later. One evening she was particularly distraught reminiscent of all the good times
they enjoyed as a couple. Golfing, dining out, chatting, playing bridge, making a fried egg sandwich in the wee hours of the morning. I felt she was lost in these fairytale memories, so I kindly snapped her back to reality. Reminding her of the many roast beef dinners he was absent, arriving home late, and loaded, without even a call. All the other times she stewed awaiting his safe arrival home, the ritual arguments about her trips to Reno, his disappointing behavior that sometimes put her in a pickle. Relieved, she thanked me for filling in the blanks of truth, so she could grieve dad in his entirety.
My extreme love of color is more than obvious to anyone visiting this blog.
I’ve had extreme hair, until I found this……
I’ve had extreme clothing, multi colored bows in my hair! Extreme boisterous behavior,, extreme makeup and jewelry!! I’ve had extreme opinions, not always popular.
I’ve been extremely sarcastic; thankfully I got a handle on my contemptible humor. Also extremely unconventional and naughty at times.
I’ve been extremely honest, and brutally blunt, not always a good thing! I still can be at times, often to my detriment! But now I’m old, I'm nice ……wink!!!
This blog header was created for my precious blog buddy Lucy as a belated Christmas gift! We share a love of extreme color! Non bloggers are often perplexed at these dear bonds we have online. Amazed that we can receive gifts across the country from people they perceive to be strangers! Some blog posts can more intimate than conversations with close friends or family. Unedited we say what we please! It’s the reader’s prerogative to ingest our words and art, or pass us by!
Exuding unspoken thoughts to paper can be so cathartic. Sincere feedback can fuel continued posts and guilt us out during blogging lulls. Connecting with endearing folks who brave a peak into my world is such a gift! I feel extremely blessed with my online friends, especially when loved ones are too busy to stop by with any regularity. Understandably life can be demanding, I don’t always comment either. Be assured I have read your blog on google reader in a frenzied passion to catch up!!
I leave you with a print I received as a gift for which I am extremely grateful, from my wonderful artist friend Donna Childree Gotlib who resides in Ann Arbor…. A Brain Zap called “Gotta Dance” Check out her Brain zaps for sale here on etsy!
Not only into my home, but into a New Year. Prospects on the horizon,
of "THE NEW" seem inevitable with those in my midst. For years not many major changes entered my world. Things would break down, remain unfixed. A makeshift attempt to repair things, or do without was prospective of the past. Many friends seemed to be having damnable luck until the later part of last year too. Things started shifting. Drastic changes occurred. Sadly some deaths, loss and illness, also the birth of new adventures, new real estate, new lifestyles, renovation, settlements and best of all new life!
Many friends and relatives have acquired something new in a major way. I contemplated a word for 2010 like I do every year. After tossing out a list of words I concluded "the new" would be positive perspective for the new decade. I've finally figured out how to structure a greeting card, a few rooms have been repainted, I have a new stove. "The New" seems more like an experience, a feeling, rather that just a single item.
This may seem silly to some, but last summer I stepped in the house after
barbecuing, an overwhelming feeling of prosperity came over me. I voiced
to my daughter, life would be more prosperous as it was previous to becoming a single mom fourteen years ago.
New years eve was spent with my dear friends of almost twenty four years and their new twin girls. The healthy little miracles born after the death of two disabled siblings within twenty four months. We shared a nice meal, played cards and fed babies....it was so special and a perfect way of turning a new leaf into Twenty ten!
