Daunted with Fear

There’s something about artists. A heart on their sleeves kind of vulnerability, with a sprinkle of insecurity always looming. Over and over I read blogs with women artists doubting their ability. Oh how I understand that. I’m on a time crunch to complete a charity umbrella and I pick now to try a new art process. I’ve been pre planning for two weeks now, valuable wasted taking jaunts through artists blogs , scanning for inspiration even though I have my own idea. Worried I’ll screw up. Knowing there is but one chance because I was warned not to make the paint too thick or it will crack. At least that’s what they told me. So I throw paint on a preview canvas, make countless illustrations on ten year old computer paper and try desperately to find the courage to trace something onto one panel of the umbrella. My plan was to do one called “ Raining Cats and Dogs”! Once I perfect the images to my satisfaction,  painting should be a breeze… Only a few more days to go….wish me luck!

Sunday Scribblings " Flashback"

Sunday Scribblings a few weeks back was "Flashback"
I wrote this a while ago, for some reason couldn't post it. 

 Life was a bit raw back then

Photo taken in August 2010



I’ve had recurring dreams of my old life lately. A terrible flashback where one player is haunting my bed despite my disdain. When I awake I'm aware people can move forward, but we are accumulation of all our experiences. Unless you have memory loss of course. As much as you might like to dismiss the past, if you have children some ties will never be severed. Pain  will surface as they're pulled into the mire you once strolled through.

So as I  observe my child filled with adult angst, and agony  from my past choices I wade in guilt with my hands bound. Struggling to find words of comfort and grinding my teeth as I sleep.

I can only hope these ludicrous decisions  made by others affect her in a positive way. Opening her world to adventure instead of strife. I cling to the knowledge that my baby has a beautiful kind loving life mate to comfort her and give her the security she needs to feel safe.

As the time broaches for these big changes in her world to occur  I worry about her emotional state. Sadly a good  mother always feels her childs disappointments and pain right to the core!  

Unexpected Move

Words
March together
Like hostile Soldiers
Guns loaded
In a manic state
Ready to assault
stability
The news
A bugle call
To reality
Abandonment
issues
Stand at attention
Saluting grief
Unprotected
Ill-equipped
Stifled
As a hurricane
Looms
Gusts of angst
Yank her
Into the wind 
Swirling  

With childhood debris
Absurdity
Anguish
Animosity
And disgust
Her soul hits
 The pavement
With a jolt
Bruised
She mourns
Possibility of
Atonement
The torrent
pounding
Bashes
The root
Of her love
Crushing any
Savored memories
Into dime sized
Nothingness
Etching
His rejection
Into her blood
Wiping clean
Her state of security

Thanksgiving

Twenty four of us sat down to celebrate Thanksgiving at Peppers in-laws. I'm always reminded of my childhood when I join them. With no dishwasher we scurry to do dishes the old fashioned way. Many of the matriarch's dishes are similar to my moms, as well as her floor and cupboard knobs.

 It's comfortable with constant giggles and  chatter as eight of the ten kids kibitz back and forth  catching up!

Everyone doted on the five day old nephew. Bryans sisters first child. Everyone inquired  when his brothers wife would have their fifth, due in a few weeks. 

  
 It's hard to say how long these large gatherings will last as families grow and parents age.

I can think of  nothing better  to be thankful for than this wonderful large family who include us with so much love! And these two who brought us all together!

Sunday Scribblings Essential

Sunday Scribblings prompt this week is " Essential"

 Saturday night we visited theses adorable munchkins!
 One taking a couple of lone steps should be walking sometime this week!

My friends have a story to tell full of intrigue mixed with adversity, mystery and  betrayal. Despite the conflict there is resilience, resurgence and Karma. In their forty years they have lived a life stranger than fiction! Here's a plea that they share with the world their life as parents of disabled children who passed away.  Those who invasively affected their lives and how they handled such heartbreak. Still  keeping their children's memory alive while raising soon to be one year old twins!  In the face of the ulitmate betrayal this amazing couple have always taken the high road. I am so proud to call them friends. I adore their twin girls, and openly talk about their two angels now deceased, knowing we have all learned so much from their short time on earth.


Choices

It’s essential

to worship peace

With purpose

Knowing karma

Skips behind

Animosity

Waiting to pounce

Caged

Caged

I see industrious

lonely married ladies

Hiding behind a

Veil of adventure

Pretending to be happy

Kowtowing

To a mans quirky whims

Nurturing their maternal

Instincts by

Overcompensating

For lost intimacy

With children, parents

And friends

I see benevolent

Women physically

Exhausted

Still buzzing

Perfecting

Birthdays,

Christmas, and Easter

Weighted by a myriad

Of pretty treasures

clutching habitual

Contentment

Of fiscal freedom

Resigned

To the confines

Of their own

construction

Revamping a painting to suit my decor

This is the before in our family room!

As you can see we love our bright colors.

The couch was bought long ago

when the walls were purple.

 We could use a more updated one,

but it's comfy!

I plan to revamp the side trays too! Freshin them up!

This is the Canvas I did to replace the top one,

but as you can see it's too small.

 My family complained about the size

 so I revamped the old one.

This is the after with my new blue lamps,

I still prefer the orange action canvas!

I may have to get another larger canvas

and try my hand at it again!

 

But darn if those large canvases aren't expensive!

My Queen of Freebies

For as long as I can remember she always searched for a deal. As a teen she’d wait for an outfit to drop in price before buying it. Her grad dress was discounted to fifteen dollars. She had the best time  dressing in her own unique style!

Her latest passion is coupon clipping! She reads local weekly flyers, checks for specials, then tops that off with her discount coupons. Which she prints off the computer or sends away for! Some items end up being free. There's always a squeal when she gets a deal, accompanied by gratitude!  Since she turned to this mind set more free things have come her way! Recently I won her two tickets worth one hundred and sixty dollars to a charity fashion show event!

Every morning she checks the “Smart Canucks” website alerting her to best weekly coupons and store discounts. It takes a lot of the work out of her search. She takes advantage of manufacturers who entice shoppers to try their products by offering free items, or huge discounts.

At times she gets an argument from the cashiers when presenting  coupons making an item free, so she asks to speak to management. It’s rare that she gets turned away. Everything is legitimate, but it does take some tenacity. She’s been known to switch cashiers if they try to reject her coupons. If that doesn’t work she tries another store. So far she’s managed to get all her coupons honoured. She says “You can’t be afraid to stand up for your rights to cash in these manufacturers perks!” “If you want the deal you have to be persistent.” Which she is!

This month alone she has had free deodorant, bread, body wash, lots of Tylenol, olay products, sanitary items, razors, free star bucks, coffees, muffins, loafs, plus a price adjustment of almost twenty dollars for a dress she bought a few days previous.

I must say she is phenomenally generous too, no one leaves our house without a banana bread or some sort of baking, she buys everyone gifts, on sale of course even if it‘s not reciprocated, plus she never goes anywhere empty handed. That’s  part of the secret to receiving so many free things.

She’s compelled to shop this way because she loves to travel. To afford yearly trips and other things she wants that aren’t discounted shoes/boots and coats, she cuts back in other ways. She also loves the challenge. Her latest goal is trying to get something free everyday! Last year her husband won an all inclusive five star resort trip to Mexico….One can only wonder what wonderful things will come her way this year!