Rain

Illustration Friday RAIN

Although it's been a hot week, it has been metaphorically rainy. The rainbow represents the hope, or could we say bright spot in what is a hard week all around. Interesting that the rain is blue, considering it is a perpetual week of grief!

Ageing Gracefully

Are You Ageing Gracefully?

Ask yourself these questions
Do you believe the compliments people give you?
Yes it depends whether I trust the person or not.
Do you have one passionate interest?
Oh I have several, scrabble, writing, art, children
Have you laughed out loud in the last 24 hours?
I laugh absolutely everyday…even in the most horrific situations, I can find a laugh. I use it as a coping skill!
If someone disappoints you do you let it go within a week or do you carry it around?
I couldn’t possibly hold a grudge. I despise feeling mad. Although if someone is blatantly mean to me, I will keep them at bay!
Do you think next year will be better?
Well I always hope it will be better, that’s probably not good enough though. Often times it seems things can't possibley get better, yet I alway have faith they will. I am often pleasantly surprised by life!
When you talk to yourself, is most of the conversation positive? I regret to say I often have critical conversations with myself. More in question form though, I always ask myself the following questions when I feel hurt or angry!. Why do I feel this way? What can I learn from this? I suppose I could improve my self talk.
If you answer yes to these questions then it is more than likely you are ageing gracefully!!! I’d certainly like to think I am ageing gracefully! Doesn't seem so by the picture!

Humiliation

When you change the way you look at things,

the things you look at change.

Wayne Dyer

"Self Representing Artists"

This condolence ecard was sent to me from Laura. She said it reminded her of me. I actually have that quote as a magnet on my fridge. It's designed by Joanna Grant a British Columbia artist. Isn't it fun?

Check out the incredible website called Self Representing Artists , it's a treasure trove of amazing artist using many diverse mediums!

Have fun and try not to get lost in the labyrinth of art!

Gone

I ambled around the house numb
In and out of tears and fears about doing the correct thing
It was a long night, and a long day
The last hours were peaceful
Each of us spent time alone with him
Giving him the love and solace he so deserved
He knew we were there
He was always comforted when we were all home
There we were his last hours
Together with him, taking turns
Saying good bye
Kissing his head
Thanking him
Then it was time
Almost time to go
Each of us wailed
Heavy, hard, and messy
For the longest moments ever
Clinging to that last little bit of life left
Bundled in a damp, soft blanket, he relaxed
As much as he could in his state
He seemed to know
Then, a last picture
His eyes saying okay
He loves the car
He didn’t stir in the laundry basket
We spoke softly to him
I didn’t cry,
He’d be afraid if I did
I held it in, head pounding
From weeping relentlessly, in the bath
Alone, in a face cloth
I muffled the grief
From the kids, and him
I ran more water and cried harder
And harder, and harder
My face was vulnerable
I was weak and tired
And childlike
Here I was, ready to take him
Two fifty five, time to leave
Three tear stained faces bid him adieu
I drove down Fraser highway
Mount Baker was a majesty of beauty
I commented on the amazing site
I forgot the camera
The perfect mountain
The perfect weather
But there is no perfection, is there?
And I said it
I said there is always a ray of beauty in
a somewhat horrific day
And just as the words left my mouth
I drove by a raccoon, sprawled out on the road
In perfect form, dead
We giggled at the irony
diverted by comic relief
Not because the poor creature was dead
We giggled because I said it
And there it was, the back drop of the mountain
And sadly, a dead animal
Goodness knows how he met his demise
Not with as much love or comfort as ours would
That’s for sure
It was a moment of relief
Then we were back to the grief
We found the place
She stayed in the car
I went in alone
They needed too much information
I wanted it over
It was painful enough
But it was cool in the building
He rallied at the temperature drop
It was just a moment though
I weighed him, he liked the cool metal scale
A sprinkle of guilt passed through me
I placed him comfortably back into the laundry basket
I toted him to a room
I spoke calmly to him
He didn’t stir at the animals sounds
As he normally did
He surrendered to my compassion
I assured him he’d soon be at peace
We waited together, I felt defeated
Vulnerable, glad
The young doctor entered
Compassionately introduced himself
Rambled off the procedure
I didn’t hear a word
He asked about him
I mechanically answered
Stoically
I held him close to me
The buzzing of the shears
Made a small square on his paw
Then the needle was inserted
He didn’t fight it
No sound was made
His breathing slowed
And he was gone

1993-2006 Rox R.I.P.
Deeply loved, a joy to his family
Sadly missed

It's Time!

There’s a lump in my chest now, of what I’m afraid to feel
It’s been there for a day and a half
Its time now, and I know it,
He’s going fast
He lays right beside me, burning up
I cool him down, constantly
I haven’t had much sleep
I know it, I know it
Its time to put him down
I cried for a bit on Friday
When Johnny’s song played
A sign from above
“He’s not afraid to die”
I ‘m afraid to feel,
To let him go
No more, my little man
To sleep beside me
To follow me around
And no one to be excited to see me
No one to make me smile, like only he could
With his cute little happy dance after a good meal
I am sad, but afraid to feel, tears stream
About him, about me, about the kids
Who needs to see him,
before I let him go?
His legs give out, he’s so weak
Every two hours and sometimes sooner
I gently place him in a cool bath
For a little while he breathes easier
He vomited blood, on a blanket and pillow on my bed
But I didn’t care, he’s with me, he knows I’m there
I didn’t sleep; I just laid my hand upon his bloated belly
I have to let him go, I just know, I knew I would know
I always do
I’ve done this before, three other times
Each time, I knew when the time was right
I bathed the bloody vomit off his body and mouth
Not very much of a nurse, I nursed him
And placed him on a cushy rug, put a fan at his head
And turned on the softest music
While I left to find a number of a place
Where I can take him when morning comes
My back hurts, the lump is heavier
This time its worse than before
We are closer than I was with the others
This is it, once he’s gone
I will feel lonely without him
No one to warn me when a stranger is near
No one to cuddle in, when everyone is gone
No one to ride with me in the car
The tears are painful, they hurt in my throat
I have to keep my composure
For him
So he has peace and love
For his final hours
I can feel an ugly cry about to appear
I’m nauseous
You’d think I’d be used to this by now
With all those I’ve lost
Instead it reminds me
Of those losses
The suffering
The sadness
The loneliness that follows
I am tired of losses
I just finished losing someone
Twenty two months ago
I was depressed for close to a year
And she’s still alive
I don’t want to feel that pain again
That dead, and sad, and lost
I have been preparing myself for this
But you’re never prepared
Never
I’ve been grieving and fooling myself too
As I often do
What am I suppose to learn from all this grief I wonder?
To just accept what is?
Live around it?
Embrace what you can’t change?
I don’t know
but, I have to let him go
Take him in
And wait until that final moment
When he goes limp in my arms
Last time I did this, Elton Johns
“Can you feel the love”, played on the Radio
It really is an act of love, to end his suffering
That’s what I tell myself anyway
But oh……. what will I do with out him!
Just one more minute, one more hour
But not one more day
I have to do it!
I am doing it
At three twenty in the afternoon
On this hot day of June!
My love, I will miss you!

Nicci Battilana

This Funky creative White Rock artist is having a taping done for HGTV's television show called ("That's Clever") today! It will probably air sometime in 2007. She has revamped a room to make her studio more proficient. Check out her blog at Brushedwithmagic, Nicci has some really exciting pieces of art on her website. Unfortunately her site has been having some difficulties in the past few weeks, but don’t despair, it was running last time I checked. If you have trouble getting through, keep checking back, its well worth the visit! Think early Christmas shopping. I will continue to have Nicci’s link on my blog to support her creativity! Her functional art and home decor for the goddess within will be displayed around and about in White Rock starting in July, at a local art store, and the White Rock Sea festival! Congratulation Nicci!

Bright Spot

Gorgeous roses grace my counter, a sweet touch of beauty, during a time of anguish. . My dog is losing strength. This morning he greeted me like a drunken soldier, wobbling, down the hall. I poured a cool bath, then gently immersed him, dried and placed him on comfy pillows, at the foot of my bed, in front of the fan. I stroked him until he dosed off.

Yesterday I sat on the patio, dog at my feet. Exuding from my daughter’s bedroom window echoed the words “I’m not afraid to die” as the Johnny Cash song “Mercy Seat” played. I’m resigned to the fact it won’t be long now. I won’t let him suffer. Unlike my other dogs at this stage, he is still eating well. Although I wished he would drink more in this hot weather. His breathing is labored and another lump has appeared on his head and seems to be growing rapidly. It’s horrific watching the demise of a best friend, human or canine.

Girly Movies

Today I've abandoned my original post, but will finish it for tomorrow! Providing I can come up with the pictures I need for it.

I thought I might share a few enjoyable women’s movies I have seen in the last few months. One is “Undertaking Betty” a funny light hearted English romantic comedy with Naomi Watts and Christopher Walken.

A poignant comedy drama that may pique the interest of younger women, (yet I loved it) was “Shopgirl” with Claire Danes and Steve Martin. Both feel good movies are relaxing, easy to watch, with affirming messages!

Although these are girly movies, a “metro sexual” may be coaxed to find the comedy amusing! Both are available for rental, hope you enjoy!

My Birthday....THE END!

Goddesses Celebrate!






I am truly a blessed woman! With incredible friends!
Laura with the golden tresses, has baked me a total of 4 cakes this birthday, isn't she amazing?



This my 7th and final fiftieth birthday celebration.

We sat mesmerized as Laura relayed stories about her travels to Slovakia, where she just returned from vacationing for 2 weeks.Her trip was fantastic and she looks incredible. She was surprised to see that no one had curly hair there. People were intrigued by her hair and wanted to touch it. She says they eat way more meat than we do and walk way more. Cars are banned from the city core in certain areas.

Connie up in the left corner is retired and an extreme hiker who loves to travel and hike, all over the world. She has recently acquired a penchant for biking too. Her and her hubby jump in their large RV and trek all over the states and Canada!

Janice right below Connie is into sailing, her partner races sail boats and she loves to join him.

Barb next to me in the group picture, is in a boot camp, for extreme exercise, she's up early every morning, before work, to feel the burn! She's in an evening belly dancing class as well.

Our vacant goddess is taking the picture and refused to have a photo done tonight.I did sneak a picture of her, but out of respect will not post it.Its certainly not that she is forgotten, because she always holds a special place in my heart. Fantastic food friends, and fun!

Friends

This evening I am going to a belated birthday dinner with my goddess group at the Chili Pepper house. Laura was in Slovakia for two weeks, so it was postponed upon her return. This has been a wonderful month of treats and surprises. I will post pictures later.

Saturday I saw my friend Debbie, after a six year absence. The moment we spotted each other the years melded into yesterday. The four and a half hours visit flew by, and left me craving more of the relationship. Although I have thought of her often, I just didn’t realize how much I missed her until she magically appeared back into my life. She hasn’t aged, so it’s as though time stood still. A year September, she too joins the fifties club. We lunched at the “The Big Ridge Brewing Company” and I had a scrumptious salmon burger with delicious dark ale. Debbie spotted for the lunch and it was a superb visit! There is something to revere about friends you’ve known for over twenty years. It’s comforting to be with people who share a huge part of your history. Unfortunately my camera battery was dead so I didn’t get a picture of her! That’s okay, because we are planning to see each a lot sooner this time.

A few Mondays ago Helen took me to the Olive Garden for lunch and it too was incredible. Helen, I met when Pepper was in kindergarten. Our kids were great friends. Times passed and the girls have waned, but we still celebrate each other every birthday. I make her my special shrimp fettuccini dish, with a surprise dessert and she takes me out on my day. It’s always fun to muse over the past, when the kids were small.

People come and go, in and out of your life. Many experiences are ever engrained in your memory. I suggest calling an old friend to see what they’re up to. Enjoy hearing the past from their perspective! Its fun!

Toothless for a day!

On father’s day, one of my teeth fell out while eating a frozen Ohenry. So I guess when your fifty, your teeth start falling out! Just kidding. Actually it was an old crown that dispersed. Thank goodness one of my best friends is a dental assistant and got me in immediately to see the dentist. About fifteen years ago, when I was fortunate enough to have a full dental plan, I had over eight thousand dollars worth of gold crowns done. A few have started to break down a bit and needed to be glued back in with pins, also a costly procedure. Anyway, I am just thrilled to have my tooth back in place. Just imagine if I had swallowed the crown……that would have be 800 bucks down the toilet, so to speak! I would have been waiting at the throne for the crown, if you know what I mean!

Take loads of pictures of your dad!

My dad is deceased, and I haven’t many photos of him. He was a kind and loving soul. This gentle blue collar worker was a creative, sage man, who adored his family and lived with enthusiasm.
Dad has been gone 20 years and I still miss him. I share my dad’s demeanor.

My earliest memory was my mother putting me to bed hungry at three because I refused to eat beef stew. After what may have been hours of crying my father got me up. Snuck me into the bathroom where he fed me three malamar cookies with a glass of milk.Then tucked me back into bed with a kiss. At that moment I fell in love with my daddy who rescued me.At fifty years old I still hate beef stew!

As a teen I had lengthy discussions with my dad on a regular basis, and I still resort to the insight from those conversations. This man taught himself how to play the mouth organ, and had the most amazing speaking and singing voice. Women approached me years after his passing to express what an incredible dancer dad was. A natural athlete, dad watched sports regularly and had a deep passion for golf. He bowled, played bridge, and shuffle board. He curled, swam and could roller-skate. He was a man of amazing talents, and little esteem. He built a house, by himself, from the ground up, by reading a book. I’d say that was a pretty brave feat for a young man of 34 in the 50’s with no building experience.

My concerned dad informed me about sex as he saw me maturing way too early. He taught me about boys, and shared very important information regarding their behavior. I always felt safe telling my dad anything. When I was sad, he comforted me.Dad taught me how to dance. I remember as a tot gliding along on his feet to the music. I could hit a base ball as far as any guy, that to dads guidance. A few time he went roller skating with me, we sang together constantly and played cards too. A quiet man, he helped with housework when it wasn’t fashionable, he was kind to animals and children, and accepting of diversity. In the seventies he ate lunch with a shunned gay man named Henry. During their lunches together, dad learned so much about the gay life style. Dad would compassionately explain at dinner, the adversity Henry endured.

I lovingly remember how he would wait for me in the morning to drive me to high school. As teen I would proudly kiss him good bye, square on the lips, and give him a huge hug while the kids looked on. I remember how wonderfully proud I felt those moments, jumping out of my dad’s delivery truck. He loved me and understood me like no other.

Dads most prevalent words were for my brother and I to love each other implicitly and be kind to one another at all times. He advised us that mom and him would not be around forever as they were older parents. He wanted assurance that we would love and take care of each other after they were gone. He honed the love by reiterating that statement as a weekly mantra. When our mother died five years after him, his words were haunting. But it worked, and we do love and care for each other.

Dad drank too much and smoked too much and died at 66 of cancer of the esophagus. On a negative note he could be argumentative while under the influence. For the most part he was the best dad and the greatest dad for that era. Many of my friends and cousins were envious of what a special dad I had. He was gentle and kind to all, and everyone felt safe with him. I am my father’s daughter!

Dad through the years!

Father 61 and Son
Dad, brothers Tom and Jack
Curling team trophy







Dad 65 retirement party
Dad 43

Clipped and Clean

Rox was groomed this week and these are his before and after pictures. He almost looks possessed in one of them!

Just think in March I thought we were going to lose him! We are resigning ourselves that he's not well, but enjoying every bit of love we can get for the moment!

This is my pal, my dear, my little love who follows me around the house all day long. Lately he is hot and sluggish here in Surrey, British Columbia. It’s muggy and his Cushing’s disease makes him more lethargic some days than others. I’ve been resisting putting him through the trauma of his summer clipping. Instead I immerse him in a cool bath, at random, all day long, even into the night. Yes I get up through the night to cool him off. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is!

Fed up with worrying about him, coupled with improper sleep, I took him to be groomed. Best fifty bucks I ever spent! He is so happy now. As soon as I faced the fear of taking him in , I realized how I had been worrying needlessly. He was comfortable with the whole situation and went in willingly, always resisting in the past. It’s as though he’d distinguished that it would be a good thing.

Now I have better spirited, more relaxed dog on my hands. He is still weak at times, sleeps more and pants lots. But he’s happier, has moments of spunkiness, and is back sleeping on the bed with me during my nap. He’s such a cutie patoutie to look at again, instead of a sad sack with bad dread locks. Don’t get me wrong, I love dread locks. I just prefer there is no heavy breathing involved while wearing them. Unless of course…………..never mind!

I wanted him shaved as close as possible, so he’s clean and cool! Rox seems to be smiling a lot more since he’s been spruced up. Or was it that I couldn’t see his mouth under all that hair?

There is only love and fear, yet sometimes they get misconstrued. I thought I was kindhearted and loving by alleviating the distress from his life. Instead the hour of discomfort has probably saved him hours of misery, being hot. Go figure, I guess its all in the interpretation! So many things are done with the best of intention, yet end up a misapprehension!

Happy Birthday Violette

Violette

The Bohemian Art goddess lights my way
As I visit her exceptional blog everyday
Inspiring me, to let go of old notions
To expand creativity, with daily devotions

Her glittery presence, enhances a room
An artful experience, is what I can assume
Emanating love, as a generous guide
Innovatively encouraging me, along on her ride

Amusing, original, distinct in her style
Her allure to the world, is there to beguile
Genuine in her placid demeanor
She shares with the world, a mind that is keener

Devoted followers, she’s impacted our lives
Material contributed, she carefully contrives
She has altered lives with the kiss of her art
Her words, her spirit, and incredible heart

I celebrate the artist, devoted and kind
As I passionately follow, me of like mind
I wish you a year of fulfillment and light
Of laughter, abundance and joy in your plight

May you be endowed with peace and good health
Emotional, fiscal, and creative wealth
You’ve gifted me with inspiration, and joy
An immeasurable means for me to toy

Happy Birthday Violette, friend and mentor
Thanks for guiding me to my artistic center
For requisitioning a side, recently unknown
It’s a continuous gift that I’m devoted to hone

Take all the love you receive on your day!
Find a quiet place, to squirrel it away
Bring it out on the days that are blue
Embrace yourself with it, and know that it’s true!

Written June 15th, 2006

Love Sherrie

Moi

Just a color enhanced picture of moi!

Joy to my Eyes

These beautiful White Calla Lilies announce that summer is just around the corner. I crave their presence starting in early May. The transition from a ratty winter garden to the natural wonder of spring is amazing! With every passing year the lily garden becomes denser. I purposely drive a back route just to take in their illustrious beauty. Here for only a short season they mark the evolution of Mother Nature’s beauty! It’s pure joy to my eyes!

A vigil

A twenty six year old man I have never met, is possibly near death today. Such a sad day. The husband of my daughters step sister, may die. A herpes on his face escalated to an internal infection, spreading to his brain. Alerted by an excruciating headache, his wife rushed him to the hospital. Any possible recovery, could render him in a vegetative state.

I only mention this, hoping to inform others, to demand proper health care when they are hustled off, under diagnosed. A few weeks ago his wife was rushed to the hospital in enormous pain. She was sent home undiagnosed. She suffered two more weeks of immeasurable pain. Upon return to hospital, doctors finally admitted her uterus had been improperly sewn to the lining of her stomach, after a routine cesarean section many months previous.

Apparently the stress of his wife’s surgery, and caring for two small children alone, may have been the instigator of the herpes.

The biggest victims, in this tragedy, are the young mans two small tikes, both under four. I am praying that this stranger will be blessed with a miracle, resulting in a healthy recovery. So his innocent children, have an opportunity to know their dad.

Life can throw us some horrific curves, awakening us to the importance of each precious day!Illuminating our minute worries as ridiculous. Valuing each and everyone you love, every moment of the day is so important. Going to bed angry at those you love is a really huge waste of energy, and a phenomenal emotional risk.

Today I encourage my readers to swallow your pride and apologize where the need lies, and live peacefully. Find something wonderful to appreciate and say about those you adore!

Although my daughter has never embraced these people as family, I see this situation wreaking emotional havoc on her. Worrying about the children and their mother, while reflecting on her own life and counting her blessings.

Boredom....NO!

Sometimes I think the happiest people just march to their own accordion. Doing their own thing. Not bothering anyone, helping others when they can. I often revel in the simplest daily occurrences. Lately it can be as small as driving by a large garden of white Calla lilies. Every year I yearn for their presence in spring. Being connected with my creative side gives me great feeling of purpose. I don’t always feel my best some days. I do get up in a good mood most mornings though. It’s my choice.

When my daughter was a baby, I couldn’t wait to get up and see her little smile. She was such a joy to my life and everyday was so exciting. This may sound a smidge too Pollyanna, and believe me I have had my share of toil and trouble. For the most part, even when things ache and my brain is sluggish, I am so grateful to get up for a game of internet scrabble. To write in my blog or just read some emails. I enjoy people, but I also love to be alone and read or write. Life is just interesting. I don’t comprehend boredom.

He's my family and my friend!

Here is my brother and his family. I made them dinner Saturday night. Long overdue, I cooked the adult’s curried shrimp over rice and a Greek salad, while the kids had cheddar cheese perogies. For dessert I made the mud pie I’d promised my niece. My brother gave me a tender and loving belated birthday card. Words about the wonderful friendship we share. It was such a peaceful and joyful evening. We talked together, watched movies and giggled to the point of tears. Tonight was a wonderful example of the perfect evening! Yes folks we all know how rare those can be, must be the coming of the full moon!

Spicy Food and Conversation!

Friday night four of the goddesses gathered at a great restaurant. The food consisted of an East Indian and Asia influence. The sauces were suburb and we have made it our new favorite restaurant. For twenty two dollars we had a few glasses of white wine, a spicy meal of prawns, a delicious green bean dish , a Manchurian chow mein, a beef dish and side of rice. We settled on a more mild spice, as it ranges mild, medium and hot. The food is excellent quality and the hot is extremely spicy, hence the name! We sat in a cozy booth, and observed a continuous flow of full tables all evening.

It was an energizing time, full of giggles and great conversation. If you want to be assured of a great meal, check out the Chili Pepper House restaurant in Surrey B.C. They also serve vegetarian plates for those interested. Directory : Langley-Surrey-->12794 96 Ave,Surrey, BC V3V 7H7Tel. : 604-583-9987

FYI, did you know you can tell if your anemic by running the edge of a gold ring down your face. If it makes black streaks on your face then you are low in iron. You learn something new everyday! After I did that little experiment, my mutt was camouflaged and ready for war games! I guess I need more spinach! Again where’s the beef?

The Queen of My Heart!

This is my beautiful daughter at sixteen! For most of her teen years this unique princess marched to her own drummer. At 20 she is now my Queen of Hearts. A perfect title for a woman with a heart of gold! I say that not because she is my daughter, more because I can now separate myself and observe her being an adult. I am possibly one of the proudest parents on the planet. This Queen of hearts will always be my princess, and brings me joy daily! Thoughtful and loving she truly cares about others. At times she emulates some of my behavior, but she has also picked up some wonderful traits from my dearest friends. Courageously she knows what she wants and always goes after it. I am thrilled to be a part of her life. This is a woman who at twenty manages two retail kiosks, works for a Deejay company, makes jewelry and purses, has a flair for photography, is constantly giving and is excellent at diplomacy, organization, and really know how to enjoy people. A once shy little girl, who adored trolls, has blossomed into a wonderful social being with a phenomenal interest in people, and a natural ability to converse with anyone! I know you read this Pepper and I am shouting it out! I LOVE YOU with all my heart. Thank you for being such a precious daughter and the Queen of my heart!

Hey Pepper, aren’t you glad I didn’t talk about terrorism like I was going to? I know you didn’t want me to. Look what came up instead! Are you shocked?

Man of many colors!

As I was doing this illustration Pepper looked over my shoulder and mentioned that I was a woman of many colors too! I confessed that I often felt I was in the male role with all the responsibility of running a home by myself. There is definitely more compassion towards the male position in a relationship since being on my own ten years. An understanding that wasn’t there when I was partnered up for 25 years! At times I feel like the Damien Rice song titled “A woman like a man” I am unmistakably all woman though!

Art Mistake

I’m so exhausted and pressed for time that I thought I would share a big art mistake with you. I keep trying to fix it, I've saved it in three different files, in hopes of recovering portions of her. Still I can’t seem to get it right and I can’t seem to release her either. Funny, you become attached to these little characters. So I thought I would just expose her and see if later down the road I can make her what she’s suppose to be. I hear a metaphor in these words. After all, this is a 101 self portrait challenge with a hint of visual self journaling, isn’t it? hmmm better ponder that one!

Midnight Madness

My daughter was tormented with cramps at midnight last night. She diverted the irritation by making a new yellow purse for a concert today. Deciding last minute a yellow necklace would also go very well with her ensemble. Guess who gessoes the necklace and uses her new yellow twinkling H2O paint to cover big brown wood beads? Yes, that would be me, friend and creative enthusiast of my daughter.
Over the years I have really endorsed having fun without drugs and alcohol. To manifesting the allure of that, I have substituted some pretty bazaar behavior. (I will get into that at a later date.) Often making life a little more obscure, than any mind altering substance dare to compete with. I gave Pepper carte blanche to creative freedom. Encouraging any and all safe, unique behavior. Trust me, I have had eyes balls rolled at me, I have been gossiped about, and felt the wrath of parental criticism. I have maintained my stance and intuition on this issue. The result is, an incredible child, now of legal age who has no desire for any mind altering substances. I am NOT a naive parent, I truly expected her to experiment as I did.She has had adverse provocation that would warrant her wanting to alter her mind state. Somehow the genes have mutated and she just isn’t interested in using any substances the way I did. On occasion you can coax her to have a Bellini or a peach cider. Of course a good mother would never do that. Creativity gives us the high that we need in this house. For Bryan its music, me, I enjoy writing and art, and Pepper loves sewing and making jewelry.
During a conversation with Pepper when she was ten, I asked her why I am different than other parents. She surprised me by sharing that she loved that I didn’t care what other parents thought. She referred to me letting her be completely unique despite the distain from other parents. Or course no one ever confronted me about my parenting, but I knew through their children exactly where they stood.
I have always questioned my own parenting. If I couldn’t requisition the results I needed in my home, I changed my own behavior and rethought things. I also listened to Peppers heart and what she needed. We always negotiated good solutions together. If there was ever a conflict, which was rare, as the parent, my decisions always trumped issues unresolved. My motto was, I am a parent first and a friend second. Now that she is an adult we maintain a great friendship. Always giggling together, she includes me in her life more than she ought to. I often bow out, to keep her healthy. I too need friendships paralleled to my age, even though; I often question what my mental age really is!
While parenting my teen, I monitored many computer conversations and activity. I drove her any where and everywhere she wanted or needed to go. I kept in contact at all times no matter what, no matter where, that was the rule. In return I gave her respect, personal privacy, and trust. I maintain that had I a different type of child, I would have parented differently. Had I a child like me, I would have structured things completely different. I snuck out of the house, I drank at thirteen, and I liked boys way too early. When I would drop Pepper off to the recreation center I’d yell out the car window, don’t do anything I would do. She would always laugh and say, don’t worry mom, I won’t, followed by an I LOVE YOU.

Today she put on her yellow necklace to go down town before the BRIGHT EYES concert and we chuckled because it was still a little sticky. I hope she has fun tonight with or without yellow paint on her neck!

Spirit Angel

This is my Creative Spirit angel, she has been with me for years. I haven't always listened to her. Lately she has been itching to get out. Everything I do is a surprise to me. When I was young, I would sew or crochet items without a pattern, always knowing I had a talent for homemaking. I never even attempted to do any drawing except to doodle while on the phone. I have always written and and had music in my life. Art is just a fun new avenue. Its crying to get out. It's definately something to look forward to. Especially when it involves color!