YOU ATE WHAT?

It happened in the early Eighties
My brother has been lifting weights and dieting almost his entire life and truly believes in good nutrition. When he was thirty years old he won a bodybuilding contest. He’s a very good-looking six-foot tall man who weighs approximately two hundred pounds. Every Christmas I would have my family over and D’Arcy would go through my fridge consuming everything in sight. He deprived himself of junk food, all year long. During the Christmas season there was always a surplus of food , so he indulged.

At a Christmas party the year before I had won these little packages of cheese tightly packed in tiny wedges. They didn’t seem appealing to me, so I’d never served them. God knows why I saved them. I guess I thought one day I might use them in a casserole or something. And hey, doesn’t cheese get better with age? Before I could use them, a year had passed by.

While rummaging through my fridge the following Christmas, D’Arcy found them, and surprisingly ate them. I noticed the missing wedges, and asked him how the cheese was, not informing him how old they were. He said they were a little dry, but fine.

D’Arcy always went through my cupboards like a vulture, eating a little of this and a little of that. Testing everything he had grown accustomed to living without. While I was getting the house ready for Christmas dinner D’Arcy went through his usual routine of scavenging my fridge. After he finished, he mentioned to me that the beef jerky I bought was disgusting and that maybe I should throw it out. A little stunned I asked him what beef jerky he was talking about. He told me it was the one in the fridge. I stared blankly at him thinking for a second, and then declared that I had no beef jerky in the fridge. He insisted it was in the fridge. My fridge was always so full and I knew there was a possibility I had forgotten about buying it.

So I began questioning him on what it looked like, thinking maybe it was the pepperoni or Ukrainian sausage I got. He told me the beef jerky was in a shiny green package. Still I couldn’t recall what package he was talking about. So I asked him where in the fridge he found it. He insisted it was on the side door beside the eggs. Still unable to figure out what the heck he was talking about I walked over to the fridge and opened the door. He barrelled behind me and grabbed the half eaten package and shoved it in my face. I looked at the package in shock and began laughing hysterically. D’Arcy just stood there dumbfounded as I continued to laugh uncontrollably. Over and over he kept asking me what it was, and why I was laughing so hard. Tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t get my composure. Finally I blurted out that it was the beef jerky I’d bought for the dogs. D’Arcy had eaten the dogs Christmas treat.
My ex continually teased Darcy the whole day long. Underneath I was amused, but tired of his constantly hounding my brother with his smug attitude.

Finally I demanded my ex stop laughing. He wouldn’t. So I divulged to all the family how the week before I had ordered Chinese food. There had been piles left over, so I had put it down for the dogs. It was a huge plate full and the dogs couldn’t eat it all. So I wrapped it up and put it back in the fridge, thinking they could have it the next day. Before I could serve it to them, my ex had innocently heated up the dog’s Chinese food and devoured it. I never had the nerve to tell him, thinking what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. His constant taunting of my brother, forced me to reveal that he had nothing to laugh about because the week before, he too had eaten the dogs food. In hearing this story, all the family laughed, and my ex never bugged my brother again.

The moral of the story is, don’t just randomly eat things out of a persons fridge without asking if it’s safe! Or, it helps to read the labels!