My daughter was tormented with cramps at midnight last night. She diverted the irritation by making a new yellow purse for a concert today. Deciding last minute a yellow necklace would also go very well with her ensemble. Guess who gessoes the necklace and uses her new yellow twinkling H2O paint to cover big brown wood beads? Yes, that would be me, friend and creative enthusiast of my daughter.
Over the years I have really endorsed having fun without drugs and alcohol. To manifesting the allure of that, I have substituted some pretty bazaar behavior. (I will get into that at a later date.) Often making life a little more obscure, than any mind altering substance dare to compete with. I gave Pepper carte blanche to creative freedom. Encouraging any and all safe, unique behavior. Trust me, I have had eyes balls rolled at me, I have been gossiped about, and felt the wrath of parental criticism. I have maintained my stance and intuition on this issue. The result is, an incredible child, now of legal age who has no desire for any mind altering substances. I am NOT a naive parent, I truly expected her to experiment as I did.She has had adverse provocation that would warrant her wanting to alter her mind state. Somehow the genes have mutated and she just isn’t interested in using any substances the way I did. On occasion you can coax her to have a Bellini or a peach cider. Of course a good mother would never do that. Creativity gives us the high that we need in this house. For Bryan its music, me, I enjoy writing and art, and Pepper loves sewing and making jewelry.
During a conversation with Pepper when she was ten, I asked her why I am different than other parents. She surprised me by sharing that she loved that I didn’t care what other parents thought. She referred to me letting her be completely unique despite the distain from other parents. Or course no one ever confronted me about my parenting, but I knew through their children exactly where they stood.
I have always questioned my own parenting. If I couldn’t requisition the results I needed in my home, I changed my own behavior and rethought things. I also listened to Peppers heart and what she needed. We always negotiated good solutions together. If there was ever a conflict, which was rare, as the parent, my decisions always trumped issues unresolved. My motto was, I am a parent first and a friend second. Now that she is an adult we maintain a great friendship. Always giggling together, she includes me in her life more than she ought to. I often bow out, to keep her healthy. I too need friendships paralleled to my age, even though; I often question what my mental age really is!
While parenting my teen, I monitored many computer conversations and activity. I drove her any where and everywhere she wanted or needed to go. I kept in contact at all times no matter what, no matter where, that was the rule. In return I gave her respect, personal privacy, and trust. I maintain that had I a different type of child, I would have parented differently. Had I a child like me, I would have structured things completely different. I snuck out of the house, I drank at thirteen, and I liked boys way too early. When I would drop Pepper off to the recreation center I’d yell out the car window, don’t do anything I would do. She would always laugh and say, don’t worry mom, I won’t, followed by an I LOVE YOU.
Today she put on her yellow necklace to go down town before the BRIGHT EYES concert and we chuckled because it was still a little sticky. I hope she has fun tonight with or without yellow paint on her neck!