Quote of The Day

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Sunday Scribblings " Yes"

 Digital " Fathers and Children" by Happytiler

Sunday Scribblings prompt of the week is "Yes"

The moment a woman says yes to divorce she risks the father of her children becoming a complete stranger. A person she possibly never really knew. Chancing he will abandon his title and responsibility as dad too!

This week on face book I was disheartened to read many young adults griping about their fathers in support of a mother whose children were not informed or invited to their father’s nuptials. Those in their twenties revealing repulsion towards dads, who blatantly put forth no effort to understand, support, or care for their children's physical or emotional needs.

Many fathers jump hoops to meet  their children’s needs . I personally know lots like that. Unfortunately there are more who walk away. Guilt free, rarely looking back, oblivious of the damage inflicted.  Some will occasionally throw a pittance of compensation at the kids out of obligation.

Children of divorce are hurting!  I saw in their words of disdain, competing for pity at whose father was the most neglectful. As women do we need to educate sons better on the importance of fatherhood and commitment to their offspring?  

I was my brother’s conscience during divorce. Warning of early introductions to new partners, being Christmas daddy (giving them everything but correction on his time) at the mothers’ expense, and clearly listening open mind and heart to what your children need. Thankfully  he’s made of the right stuff, my mother for one, innately putting his kids first.  If he started to veer off path in anger, I steered him back. It’s paying off ten fold for him.  He has a tender loving relationship with both children. They trump everything in his life, and know they’re loved implicitly!

Many children sound selfish gauging their importance by how much cash daddy throws their way. After all isn’t that what custody payments teach? It’s often all they get, if that!    I hear over and over again, particularly from step parents, “the greedy spoiled kids want everything.”  Well YES they do want everything, but you have it misconstrued.  They want their dad back, they want life as they once knew it, they want security, they want to know they are loved by him, they want to matter more than a new girlfriend, a new car, a new job!!! They want   their dad to know who they are, what they need, and how they feel!!! They want to know how their dad values them,  they want his time, and to know what  their worth is ….if they have to use cash as a gauge, they do! Guess what?  The cash usually always falls short!!!

My hands are tied on this one as I have watched my own child suffer repeatedly
feeling like Cinderella, undervalued, and disregarded. Thankfully the slipper fit and she married her prince instead!  

What will the ramifications be?

Fathers who forget
To know their children
Forget to feed their souls
Fathers who forgo
A Childs love
Deprive the roots
They sow

 Wounded are the Children
On a Merry go round
Of discontent
Permanently Perplexed
By parental desertion
They’re vexed 

Smug is the adult offspring
A once forgotten child
Deciding his worth
With pride
On the dollar sum
A mandatory value
Notably implied

Fathers who forget
What babies implore
Will eventually
Pay a hefty fee
Restricted or impugned
While the leaves fall
from  the family tree!

 Quotes  from    Sidney Poitier   

“The true measure of a man is how he provides for his children”

" But my dad also was a remarkable man, a good person, a principled individual, a man of integrity. "


Janet said...

Beautifully written post. And sadly so true. I had a less than perfect relationship with my dad even though my parents didn't divorce until I was grown. From experience I know that kids miss a lot when they only have one parent.

JP/deb said...

I love your take on this prompt ... your words ring sad, but true. Thank goodness there are some fathers that stay on the right track and are given the guidance/support to do so. I think until this becomes more of a sociological and moral priority, we will continue to have children who grow up without the emotional commitment of both parents.

Linda Jacobs said...

Wonderfully thought-provoking...both the prose and the poem!

One of my students said she was anxious for Christmas to see if her father would get her the $1000 necklace she wanted. "I'll find out if he really loves me" she said. So darn sad!

Susan said...

Thank you for your comments on my blog. Isn't it a small world that we both dealt with this issue on our blogs? I will look into the book you suggested and thank you for it - you are right, my ex and I are living in different realities now. But how to deal with the soon to be Mrs. Ex??? And the very idea a woman like that would be around my children!
You are right about cash and fathers. Money or "things" are the only (semi) constant my son can expect from his father. I would wish to have made a better choice for a husband but as I love my children just as they are I cannot wish to make such a change! Luck and peace to you and your family!

Americanising Desi said...

love it!


linda may said...

It is sad that in a divorce the children's emotional needs from father are forgotten. I have just been reading a book on a similar subject. A book about the hurts caused that can lead to suicide. In the pain of the break up your own pain is at the forefront not what others are feeling.

Alberta said...

As the child of divorced parents, the teacher of way too many students without fathers, the aunt of three neglected daughters, I am very sensitive to the pain of children whose fathers have abandoned them, abused them, or simply ignored them. The good news is, as a very wise woman once told me, that, if a child just has once person that loves him, one person he can depend on, that child will be okay. How sad that so many fathers miss the joys and blessings that being a real parent brings. So, as the mother of two sons, I hope that I have raised them to be men who are nurturing, loving, responsible fathers who stay. Thank you for writing about this all too prevalent tragedy that hits way too close to too many homes.

KB said...

This post really touched me. I have recently seperated from my husband. My step-children aren't talking to me and say they will always put their Dad before me. I'm hoping they will come around eventually as I love them dearly.

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