Do you waste your love? Paint Party Friday

 Paint Party Friday

It`s been a rough week emotionally and creatively. This little face was done two weeks ago as a decoration on a child's gift. My artwork is horrible right now. Bare with me,  I`m afraid it`s all about color this week.

 Have you ever watched a friend or family memeber invest their love in the wrong people? When I was young I had many friendships that were one sided. I probably had a different love language than those I befriended. Repeatedly I have witnessed those I care about truly bruised and used by family members and friends who take advantage of their loving nature! I must say it's very difficult to watch!

I want to scream from the top of my lungs...."INVEST IN THOSE WHO ARE WORTHY OF YOUR LOVE"!!! I want to say,"don't waste your time and  love on those who don't appreciate and respect your kind heart!  Don't let  callous people keep hurting you!

But I don`t, because I know that Love is often the answer. Keeping a loving heart usually works. Unless people are addicted or mentally ill! Then  it becomes a co-dependent relationship of loving them in a toxic way by constantly excusing their bad behavior! Those tend to be the people  who need our love the most yet take such advantage of it!

Boundaries are such a necessity when others hold our love for ransom....expecting us to do things against our nature, to get a fair, loving response. When do we pull back our love? How do we deal with those  one sided extended relationships we're bound to by marriage or blood?

I'm not the woman I used to be.  I can't give what I used to. I  share my wisdom, my heart, but physically I don't have the energy of my past. I'm  not the friend I used to be either. Long hours spent on the phone with fair weather friends hashing out their weekly problems......is gone.  The baking and cooking I did for others.....gone. Quaint dinner parties, almost non existence.  The adventures are very few....because that's all I have to give. I am pretty spent as far as drama goes too.

I tend to stick  with  family now.... and those without judgement.  I have narrowed my circle of friends and I like it that way! I love deeply my dear long time friends and keep them close. For those near and dear I'd open the drama door, because they never abuse it!  Each moment spent with them is precious, each phone call and email treasured!  I spend a lot of creative time alone and I like that too! I spend my love on those who truly appreciate my wisdom,  my time and me!  How about you.....is your love often wasted on the wrong  people? Do you think it's possible to  waste our love on the wrong people? This is a question I ask myself, because I believe  love is always the answer!

 Gorgeous Jodi Ohl prints

I always like to end on a happy note! This week  I received a beautiful Jodi Ohl print that I won!! I love it so much and  can`t wait to frame it!!  It has all the color and whimsy that makes my heart sing!! Thank you so much Jodi, I LOVE your artwork!! You can find Jodi here!

Last but not least the winner of my Quotes to ponder book and tote bag is Annabelle!
Congratulations Annabelle and please send me an email with your  home address so I can pop it in the mail!

Unconscious Muttering #8 Jaynas Angel

This is my Eighth Jayna's Angel "Flouncy" she dances to her own tune, loves the arts. She tries to balance things best she can, but on occasion she'll forget to comb her hair.All my angels were done ages ago just sharing them when I don't have any photos! Oops I didn't crop that very good I see the feet of another angel in that photo!

Unconscious mutterings

They say and I think!

1. Intimidated :: by technology and learning photo shop
2. Brush :: strokes on the canvas make me happy….sing that to the tune of a John Denver song “ Sunshine on my Shoulders”
3. Masquerade:: Life is a masquerade, if I dared to expose all that is never spoken, I’d have a juicy book! I love Halloween too!
4. Procedure:: I need to learn more art procedures!
5. Tattoos:: Love looking at them, never want one! I appreciate the artists, love the watching Miami ink, just have no desire. More into piercings. I think I may have had those stretched ears kids have today, if I was young. Then I’d put the big jewels in them! Who knows I could do it now! Wouldn’t that just shock Pepper….you reading this Pepper?…. You think menopause makes me crazy….wait till I get those stretched ears….big purple gems…I can see me now….only old lady outside of Africa with stretched ears. I used to threaten to do crazy things to discipline you, remember....... Never this drastic though! OOOOOHHHH I feel it…… Sherries got her groove on!!!
6. Square: I love square any thing, love the shape, even though I have never been known to be a square!
7. Tuck:: toilet paper tucked into your underwear for the world to see trailing out of your dress or pants is not fun! Been there done that!
8. Boyfriend:: Blaaaaah…sounds like trouble!!!….my Girlfriend who had a stroke four years ago has a new one, and I’m thrilled for her. As for me, it would take up too much time. Now if he was a clean giggler with a bundle of buckaroonies and willing to spoil me, I may consider it!
9. Badass:: anything HTML I just love learning computer lingo and how to change things up! Takes forever!
10. Thousand:: put an “S” on that, it’s what I would love right now…a windfall, thousands of dollars, actually make that a millions now that we’re speaking moola! A few million would fix me up! And if I could add a few more million to that I could help a few friends too! Ya.....note to self buy lottery ticket tomorrow! First thing I’d buy…..you got it……GLASSES, and an automatic car, do convertible mini coopers come in automatic???. Standard is killin me knee!

Unconscious mutterings, Jaynas Angel # 9

Jaynas Angel #9 Precious

Fills her purse with joy. A bit timid she hides behind pretty clothes. She likes to step out into the world but is extremely cautious waiting for that perfect moment. Pretty content she much prefers time alone! I can relate!

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Loneliness ::dissipated the moment I lost the ball and chain!
2. Traffic :: never bothers me, longer to listen to music, I'm a courteous driver.
3. Chaos ::Not in my realm, I'm a peace lover and avoid it at all costs
4. Burp ::Spontaneous
5. 500 ::I will walk five hundred miles ….The Proclaimers
6. Movie ::anything Adam Sandler or Mike Myers
7. Coma ::Many people walk around in one….sad really!
8. Bark :: Grumpy people seems to bark at everything!
9. Stare ::the way I disciplined my daughter when she was little
10. Angelina ::looks like my niece!

Today I miss you mom!

This is my #3 Jayna's angel, Porclaine is an old hippy angel seeking peace, she meditates daily! Even though I love to be current, a little of Porclaines spirit trickles through my life, in art and attire!

Last weeks Three word Wednesday

An intrusive change has convened

A lost key is not all that has intervened

Forced into a constant dizzy haze

I can’t wait to pass this outrageous phase!

Sincerely the change can wreak havoc on a womans life! My mother always spoke about how hard it was, but never in detail. This is when I most wish she were alive. So I could apologize for not being more compassionate as a teen. Now I understand why she was up at four, or until four A.M.reading at the table, why she was so crabby living on short intervals of sleep. Why she was less tolerant, and slower to compute things. I wish I knew then what I know now, so I could just say sorry mom, I didn't get it!

I wish she were alive so I could compare the experience, ask her those details she never shared, have her comfort me by saying, " this too shall pass!" Today I miss you mom!

This Weeks Three word Wednesday!

I think of her on a frequent basis.

Never knowing someday I’d understand

And be even more open to forgiveness!

Jaynas Angel Jazzy

#4 Jayna's Angel Jazzy a 9x12 Acrylic

Jazzy jives with flair proudly taking center stage. Vivacious she's a bright spark in a dull day. Jazzy is full of ideas and can always make things happen! I'm not much like Jazzy, but I know people with her traits. They just light up the room, they have blogs that are dazzling and they just make life so much more interesting. Always thinking of a new adventure. They're the most inspiring people. I can't help wonder if they sometimes feel a bit drained though, or whether they feed on it!

My friend introduced me to Bitchin Kitchen youtube videos! Nadia has is going on! Check it out. Vibrant set design too!

Thanks Chris, her videos are really fun!

Unconscious Mutterings

Stormy done on 9x12 canvas in acrylics

A few posts back I presented a wall of Jayna's Angels, but now I'd like to introduce them individually. This is my sixth Angel Stormy, she loves to whirl away her worries; Stormy enjoys creative adventure but is often sabotaged when people take advantage of her sweet nature. She'd like to learn better boundaries so she can hang on tighter to her own dreams!

I fully understand Stormy, sometimes it's so hard to juggle everything you need and want to accomplish while pleasing others. It can be even more disappointing when you know it wasn't fully appreciated! I'm learning to dissuade my guilt to follow some of my own dreams. Unfortunately, some may feel snubbed, housework may get behind. But oh well.....I'm taking charge of my dreams! Only so much time in the day! Woman are known to wear the weight of the world upon their shoulders! Along with self doubt!

Here are my Mondays unconscious mutterings!

1. Rambling ::man
2. Magnetic ::love
3. Again! :: baby….do it one more time!
4. Acoustic ::guitar
5. Mahogany ::bench
6. Promises ::broken
7. Ill fitting ::loose
8. Sublime ::gelato
9. Poop ::scoop
10. Disoriented ::foggy

Thursday Thirteen

"Soul of the Sea"
This Jayna's Angel was made for Kai who won my 500th post contest. I originally had something different in mind, but wanted to do a bag more suitable to Kai's personality as a lover of Mermaids and the color blue!

Thursday Thirteen #7

Thirteen things I could be found to say on a continuum

You’ll never say” Gee I wish I’d stayed in that bad marriage longer”

Children learn what they live

Definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting different results

Karma

Just ask

Find your voice

What do you want to eat?

Thank you for abundance! (Looking to the sky)

Turn it up!

Hmmmm……not sure about that! (With an inquisitive voice)

I ...DON’T .....THINK..... SO!

I feel so blessed!

Is it hot in here?

Jayna's Angels

If I had a single flower for every time I think about you,
I could walk forever in my garden. ~Claudia Ghandi8/15/2006 to 6/3/2007

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a
memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland

She fluttered on this earth for just a moment

Picked the sweetest parents she could

Hoping they’d not forget her

Knowing they never would

She fluttered on this earth to make a difference

While here she impacted many

When she flitted up to heaven

Dry eyes, she’d not left any

She fluttered on this earth for just a moment

So the world could truly see

What an angel looked like

And how one came to be

She fluttered on this earth to make a difference

And you know what she found

So many people who loved her

So many she’d astound

She fluttered on this earth and made a difference

Now we’ll never be the same

When you see little purple wings

It’s that precious angel, Jayna is her name

By Happytiler

Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whisper

the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break. ~William Shakespeare

Jayna's Angels

A year today Jayna died. Still devastated her mom has had no time to grieve. Contending with her four and a half year old disabled son is a full time job. For the last six weeks they’ve been in and out of Children’s hospital dealing with deteriorating health issues. Both mom and son have picked up yet another virus, the hazards of spending long bouts in Children’s.

Ethan was poked and prodded to Selina's chagrin. She slept many hours along side him despite his flailing new symptoms unrelated to previous seizures. Some days she was able to muster bouts of wonderful humor, radiating love to her son and husband. Nurses found these parents to be inspiring for other families on the ward. Other days it took everything to find strength to keep it together as she had mini melt downs.

One particular day (during that vulnerable time of month) she wept as she asked god why this was happening to her son. Seeing her tear stained face and sensing her distress, one special nurse bought her a coffee and muffin with her own money. Barriers penetrated it was just one mother attempting to comfort another mother.I cried when she relayed this story to me.

Life is hard for this couple; Ethan now has a feeding tube. Instead of taking the day to commemorate Jayna, Selina is nursing a virus and her son. If you could only see the dedication this couple has for this beautiful little boy, and to each other. You’d never again make one complaint about your own healthy child.

My heart goes out to this little family as mom and son are confined to home on the anniversary of Jayna’s death. I have dedicated a wall in my loft for Jayna’s angels. My dream is to honor this sweet angel with my art. To bring parents together with my grief wings so that those who’ve lost children will never again feel alone in their sorrow!

I've known this couple for over twenty years, I could never have imagined their life would be full of such hardship. Just know I am thinking of you guys with so much love.Praying one day there will be the answers you're looking for.

Andrews Wings

My friend Lucy awarded me the "I love you this much award" a while back. I was thrilled because I love her too! I had such a blogging lull back then it never got posted. Today I received a great blogger friend award from Queenie. Both Lucy and Queenie have a great sense of humor, on a dull day they can pick your spirits up with their quick wit! Their serious poignant moments also keep you hooked into their blogs too! Thank you so much for the adoration, I truly enjoy your blogs and appreciate the recognition!

I'd like to extend these awards to all my friends on the side links
because you wouldn't be there if I didn't really enjoy visiting each one of you!

Now that Ang has received her Jayna's Angel bag I can share it with you!
I custom added a pair of " Andrews wings"
to commemorate her Angel who passed in 2001.

I decided to try this Unconscious Mutterings this week,
an interesting word association task

1. Gossipping :: nasty

2. Misplaced ::always

3. Spaceship ::alien

4. Ignore ::fine

5. Bodily ::big

6. Tweezers ::plucker and I mean that in the nicest way!

7. Goodnight ::no

8. Curls ::laura

9. Faucet ::drip

10. Right? :: yeah

Launch of Jayna's Angels

I've been working on these canvas bags which I am naming " Jayna's Angels" in honor of my friend Selinas baby "Jayna " who died in June of last year. You can view Jayna's picture and click to read the poem I wrote about Jayna on my side bar. This particular Angel is for Selina. We were suppose to get together last week , Bryan was ill and we didn't want to expose her son, also disabled, yet again to the flu. He's struggled all month long fighting off one virus after the other.

I must have asked the universe why I keep creating these cute little faces. Which by the way I have changed more times than I care to admit. Because while in my on-suite bathroom, a very spiritual place, where a plethora of creative ideas and intuition are born. One of gods whispers brushed my soul, Jaynas angels was all I heard. At that moment it all made complete sense. Of course Jayna would have little girls to surround her and play with in heaven! Maybe some little guys will come out to play too! I'll reveal more as they are completed to my satisfaction.