Quote of The Day

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Sunday Scribblings " No wedding for me"

Sunday Scribbling prompt this week is "Wedding"

“There’s one too many women living in this house.” mom said with a vengeance! I was seventeen. So we bought a mobile home, then asked them to sign the papers so we could be married. It was fully furnished, but wasn’t delivered until three weeks after the nuptials. We grudgingly stayed with mom and dad a few weeks longer.

It was a very small ceremony. Dad greeted me at the door of the church. A place I sought solace most of my childhood. I cried that ugly cry all the way down the isle. I hated the thought of losing my last name. Was it the sign of a mistake? Possibly! It was too late. With ongoing turmoil between mother and I it was a very cognitive solution for a mature teen.
I was homesick that first year, regularly calling in pursuit of a shopping date with mom. She was either busy or planned something with her sister. After months of attempts with a negative response, I stopped asking. I lived forty five minutes away; surprise visits seemed out of the question, yet I attempted that as well. In retrospect I can see she was relieved I was gone.
Soon I stopped being homesick and resigned myself to being a wife. A damn good one at that. Just seventeen I made bread, soups and baked from scratch. I bought only meager necessities in order to save. At twenty one we bought our first house and paid cash for top of the line appliances.

I sacrificed a lot back then. Would I do it again? Probably not! I would have married someone more suitable with common interests, someone kinder. For years, we ambled through. I was the dutiful housewife during the whole marriage. To be honest I became covertly ambivalent, and rebellious. Around the seven year mark I devised my own life within the marriage.

I had a good job, a great network of friends. He was anti social, would only drag along on rare occasions, where he sat staring at me the whole night as I flitted from place to place socializing. Angst befell me, knowing he wanted to leave almost as soon as we arrived anywhere. Eventually I went most places alone. I finally left for a stint, but returned Six weeks later unsure of my choice Back in the home I kept my new adopted independence within the marriage.

It was at the twelve year mark we decided to take a huge leap and buy a new home. Four times the size of our thousand square foot first home. It was on an acre property. The day we signed the papers for that big house, I got pregnant. I was shocked and thrilled all at once! It was a beautiful home with a circular staircase, as well as a cathedral staircase. I had it made, so I thought!.Beautiful new home and new baby on the way!
I worked like a Trojan to keep up the forty four hundred square foot home, painted the whole inside, raised a baby and worked full time. It was during that time I acquired the nick name midnight maid. I barely slept. We entertained every weekend, playing cards and board games with friends, I made gourmet meals of scallop St Jacques and we drank special coffees with whip cream. I was super woman, with a European work ethic.
Physically life was fun, I adored motherhood and all my friendships. But I was disconnected from my husband. Outside appearances, all was fine. Except for the continuous contemptible humor we slung at each other. A few ugly domestic occurrences gave me pause. Soon I was rethinking my life, my daughter’s life.
Three years later we bought another home, twenty two hundred square foot rancher in a quaint neighborhood for our child. The beautifully manicured half acre property with a gazebo covering the hot tub just off the master suite was a minor diversion from underlying marital discord . It was my dream home, with a huge country kitchen decked out in pink corian counter tops and a fireplace. Every single morning when I entered that kitchen I said a quiet prayer of thanks to god!
Still a huge void almost swallowed me up. I realized there was an entity living in my space that was emotionally unavailable to all in the home and those who visited. I sought help, to no avail. Things escalated to scary proportions. We were working on the logistics of a split. It didn’t end well, things got very ugly. Sadly I have no desire to even see or speak to him. Although I have moved on and forgiven all the ugliness that transpired in our relationship. I'm still forced to observe from afar the continued injustices with others. Be careful who you choose as a life mate, because it never really ends!

It’s exactly eleven years almost to the day that my divorce was finalized! A few years back three friends and I had a mock wedding. We dressed up, played the song "imagine", vowed to be true ourselves first, bought rings to commemorate the festive occasion! A reporter even entered photos of our crazy antics in the local paper! I have been living happily every after since!

Would I want a legal wedding again? Probably not! No wedding for me!


Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

you were only 17? thanks for sharing the story!

Beautiful Witch said...

Wow...your determination is incredible. I can't imagine the sort of wife I would have been at 17. How amazing that you built a good life in difficult circumstances back then. You must feel so free now - Midnight Maid no more!

GreenishLady said...

What a journey! I bought a ring for myself to mark my commitment to my new life, but plans for a ceremony have been waylaid a couple of times. You've reminded me!

Alberta and Ava said...

I wish you HAD married someone kinder and that you had not endured that life for so long. It speaks volumes about your happy nature that your painting of a bride is in such cheerful, bright colors. But I would expect nothing less from a woman by the name of "Giggles!"


Neilina said...

Oh...I also hate to lose my last name after marriage!
It was nice to go through your post. Thanks for sharing.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

wow you are and were beautiful. that story was inspiring to me. you are a great woman and your life is a celebration.

Blondie said...

I don't think anyone ever enters into a marriage with the thought that it will fail, and rarely do they fail immediately--sometimes it is a long road, with plenty of bright moments along the way, which keep us going down that road. Congrats on your journey and having the strength to be true to yourself!

Anonymous said...

That's some personal story. Thanks...

Lucy said...

well she was just 17
do you know what I mean? and the way YOU
looked was wayyy beyond compare-air

Wow Sherrie, what an incredible journey you've been on!
There was so much sadness within all the happy and beautiful photos.
Starting with your moms hurtful statement.
I never realized you married THAT young!
So glad for the place you're in right now!
(btw.. you've got incredibly Gorgeous Hair ALL through the years!!)

keithsramblings said...

I don't know if I would have courage to open up about my marriages in the way you have. If I did it would be a very long story!. Who, knows, I may one day. I do actually get on very well with my ex's and they
sometimes read my blog, so you can why I'd be cautious!

B. Roan said...

And I quote, "Be careful who you choose as a life mate, because it never really ends!" Very profound statement, and wonderful advice to anyone considering marriage. Thank you for sharing. BJ

Linda Jacobs said...

Hindsight, huh?

An entertaining story, though and great pictures! Your daughter's photos are adorable!

Granny Smith said...

This story hurts because there is still so much heartache in it. What has been the effect on your daughter? I have always been too lazy a housewife to do half the things you describe yourself as doing during your years of marriage.

Sioux said...

I went 13 years before my divorce. And although I think I've forgiven him, I can't and won't forget! But you were right when you said Raf and I were fortunate. We are, and it's been 32 years! However, never say never. The first time we met the first thing we said to each other was, "I'm divorced and the one thing I will never do is marry again!"

My you and Pepper look alike!

Love you girl!

Alone on the Isle said...

That was a great piece, I really enjoyed it.

texasblu said...

Wow - and I thought I was young at 19! (Well, one month away from 20 - but we were secretly engaged at 16!)

I'm sorry it ended so poorly for you - it's a hard thing. I'm glad you've found happiness!

LadyTulip said...

MAN! oh MAN !! You had a time, now, didn't you?! I think I'm tired after reading all those things you did back then!!

I'm just so glad you've regained your footing now, and are on to a much brighter time. Congrats on That!!


Gemma said...

When I first started blogging,I found the post about you ladies marrying yourselves!!!!That was SO cool! I put V's blog on my fav's after that and then made friends with all of you!!!!

Sweetie said...

I really don't know what to say. I like the way you told you story - so many times such stories are honey coated. I admire you for trying to make a go of things and I admire you for knowing when enough is enough.

forgetfulone said...

It does have a happily-ever-after. Very well told story of your wedding and marriage. I like the second "wedding" best. Be true to yourself.

Cookie Sunshine said...

Dear Sherrie you amaze me.
If only we really could learn from the experiences of others...

Patois said...

I'm so glad I'm catching up on my SS reading this week. "Glad" because your concise tale was so open and easy to read. I wonder if it was easy for you to put it all out there. I'm sure it was in no way easy to live.

ceecee said...

Wow, I won't go into details but it's scary how this post makes me think real hard about my own marriage... thoughts of re-evaluating what life is all about. Reflecting on what my kids are telling me or not telling me. I admire your courage to do change your situation; it couldn't have been easy.

mgirl said...

Wow good for you for stepping out and taking care of yourself now, and for sharing your story. I think I'm with Keith, I'm not yet as brave as you with sharing, and I wasn't as smart and I tried a second time.
What an amazing story of strength and courage.

rebecca said...

wow, what a story and thank you for sharing it with us. your journey has been incredible and what a testament to you to see how far you've come despite some very difficult circumstances.

i loved the pictures you posted. it really made me connect to you and your story.


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