A letter to mom

My mother on her 65th birthday
She'd be 83 now!

Dear Mom

Oh how I wish you were here to enjoy the internet! You'd be as amazed at what you can research! You'd be in your glory as much as I am! I'd be afraid that you might learn how to gamble on here too, which might be expensive since I know how much you loved gambling.

Oh how I wish you could see your grandchildren. They are so beautiful mom, strong and talented too. Being you were only five foot tall I know you always wanted tall grandchildren and your son had two! My daughter is short like you, she still remembers the amazing pies you use to bake her when she was five! In fact she's a lot like you, moves the same, even cooks like you! Yeah I know I'm a good cook but she puts different things together like you did! When she cooks, which no one is suppose to know she can do, it tastes like your cooking. Pepper loves traveling mom, just like you did! She loves Vegas, and got married there in a small ceremony, they dressed like you and dad! She's been back to Vegas a few times now and would have gone to Reno with you for sure. I'm sorry I never went, it just wasn't my thing mom! But this daughter of mine is definately your blood. Her purse is just like yours! Way too big, with everything but the kitchen sink in it!! It started early too.

Mom I'm not sure she'll ever get her drivers license. Even though she is a spitfire business woman like you were, she has an aversion, like you did, to driving!!! She loves to pick berries like you did, is the queen of budgeting like you were, has a purse full of coupons, and she married a guy just like dad, minus the passion for alcohol! He whistles like dad when he puts up the Christmas lights! He sings and records music just like dad did on his off time. In fact he uses dads old mouth organ even though we bought him several new ones...he likes dads best! And he always has music playing in the house especially when he cleans, he has record player with some of dads style of music too! He's good at everything he puts his hand to! Oh, unlike dad, he is six foot three, so you know there will be some tall great grandchildren in the mix! His birthday is tomorrow, a day after the anniversary of your death. Did you send him to us?

They're such a good couple like you and dad were, and so good to me. I wish you could see what good friends I am with these kids. I've been single thirteen years now! I understand why you never remarried after dad died.It's nice being on my own, I really like it! Remember when you and dad taught me to play bridge? I don't play anymore since the divorce....but I should. I do play online scrabble. I record our lives on this blog for future generations. I don't feel that proud of how my life turned out. However I do live a peaceful life now and I am proud of the mother I've been.

Hey guess what? I can draw and paint. Who knew!!! You never got to see any of my funny colorful art. You always called me an oddball and I guess that's why. There was an artist screaming to get out!! Now I'm out. I have many artist friends who've written books. I've written hundreds of poems! Some not so good, but some I'm pretty happy with! You know how you used to quote things you've read, starting with " THEY SAY"! Well I met a bunch of those people " THEY SAYERS" and I'm friends with them, and I may be one myself. I wonder if you'd be so quick to hold credence to everything " They say!"

There is a whole side to me you never met mom. Kind of sad really! Wish I hadn't been cleaning and homemaking so much when I was young, making time for writing and art all those years ago instead!

I couldn't let you in my house right now....the walls are Apples green I have lots of whimsical things around, you wouldn't like it! . I need new floors, and my rooms a big mess....which NEVER was before! I have way too much stuff that I am trying like heck to get rid of! The eighties were weird....too much accumulation. I always remember you saying, in my thirties I will love my stuff and in my fifties I'll want to purge it! Boy were you ever right mom! I totally know how you felt.

I am so sorry I dragged you around the mall for hours when your hip was sore....I have a bad knee and I know why you took so many ibprophen! Hey thanks for all you taught me. I never told you that before. Boy have I put it to good use, budgeting, the cooking, mothering, the independence, the ability to have fun on a tight budget.

I really am a compilation of you, dad and all the wise people I met along the way! I'm glad my daughter picked a good guy even if I didn't! Oh mom, what Pepper has been through....well it's been a good visit, I'll save that little ugliness for another time! I miss you mom, wish you were alive so I could ask you a bunch of questions about menopause!! Rest in peace, I feel you are always with Pepper! I miss you, but you are always with me!

Love your daughter