Quote of The Day

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Parents are just Human Paint Party Friday


A gift I gave myself is teaching my child at a very young age
that I too have feelings, that I'm  only human! Admitting I don't
know everything, don't always have a solution, and may not always
 have the answers! It's way harder to fall off a pedestal if you're
 never on it!  I preferred being seen as a mother who loves 
her implicitly,  will protect her at all costs, stands by  to support 
her physically and emotionally. Rather than lording over her,
 all I think, believe and know!!
A very old painting I redid.... exactly how I've felt a few days this week!
My child has  a realistic view of who I am as I age!
She can appreciate my situation with compassion. 
 Not as the mom constantly doing, but as the mom that also
 got tired of doing it all!  Interestingly she still asks for my opinion.
 I rarely asked my mothers views, she volunteered  them
 whether I wanted them or not!

   I observe middle aged parents, and grandparents with a different eye!
 I see when they are tired and need the help, yet  their children
 are often oblivious, piling more work and expectations on them!
  I've seen an older parent works through the pain with a 
slight  sharpness of tone as they mask their suffering! Just
 grateful to have their children and grandchildren present,hiding
 their exhaustion, knowing the  alternative would 
mean  less visits! 
 There comes a time when children in their late thirties
early forties needs to step up to the plate and do
the bulk of the work. Taking the pressure off their elder
parents. Doing it with compassion so their parents 
still feel worthy. Bringing more prepared food to a family function.
 Paying their own way, making more effort. Understanding why 
a mother hasn't kept up the yard because she was so
 exhausted  babysitting toddlers everyday!
Another ICAD,,,,I made it up to  72 but I am so done with them now!!

Understanding that just because an elder persons 
memory isn't perfect, doesn't mean they have dementia. 
 Requisitioning answers to things might be on the back burner
or take more time as they struggle with the aches and pains
of aging. Answers may be  lost in the jumble
of many years of information trapped in their mind,
along with pending expectations!

 As I observe my children taking over the bulk of the work, planning
things they want in the garden, completely different than anything
I'd have thought of planting I see just how much responsibility I 
had on my own for many years! It's kind of surreal to observe all
 that I did, and all that doesn't get done now. I really was 
a super woman for way too many years!
Also my pink haired girl was inspired by this collage piece and this video done by Katherinejeannewood
My Inspiration is Claire who  does beautiful girls with colored hair!
There comes a time when you absolutely need to pass the torch.
If your children aren't getting it, you need to explain how it's their
turn! I've watched an aging father continue to  pay for his adult child's
cell phones as they feel entitled.  I've seen retired parents let their
 adult sons live rent free, and continue to bring friends around
to  raid the fridge like teenagers while they smoke in the front yard! 
Too many times adult children are too involved in their own life to 
realize their parents might be struggling too!
Icad Possible glowing star!

I am so proud of my Cupcake who offers up her seat on the train
for anyone she notes in pain! Or runs to assist  with a bottle of
water for an older male who is seemingly bent  over in 
distress on a hot day! She's aware, helpful, thoughtful and kind
 because she has empathy, and she sees me struggle
 as a human being.
I'm proud that my daughter always brings enough
where ever she goes. That she stands beside her mother
in law like a daughter and helps. That she digs in whenever
she can. That she actually sees the injustice of one older
women doing the lions share of work while everyone else
enjoys themselves on her time and dime!
I remember the day I looked at my dad and realized
he was aging. His arms had lost the muscle.
  Although I had no expectations from my parents
since the age of seventeen, it wasn't until they were 
gone that I realized they were just regular human beings
with possible weaknesses and vulnerabilities.  I think I 
always saw them as having power over me. Everything they 
said mattered more than it really should have.  For some reason  
we sometimes see parents  more, as icons, and consummate
nurturers!  Rather than people having a human experience!

Do you ever feel taken advantage of! Is there more on your plate
than should be at this time in your life? Do you need to express
yourself more and set boundaries?

36 comments:

Kate Robertson said...

Love the pink haired lady. Your daughter sounds like a gem, you raised her right. Happy PPF

Kate

Valerie-Jael said...

Wonderful post and artwork! Happy PPF, hugs, Valerie

Mascha said...

A very thoughtful post! True things ...
My mother always exercised power on me, today, with 85 years, this is also and she does not recognize, that I only human too (with own disability) and not caregivers-and lovemachine. It's difficult situation and will not end until her death. All attempts failed and I have to withstand this pressure...
Happy PPF

Ayala Art said...

The girl with the head in an angle looks a different style of what you've been doing of late... but still cool in all crazy color combinations :oD

Nic McLean said...

Interesting post. I can't speak as a parent but as an adult child of ageing parents, I know that I am very lucky to have such loving kind parents who are very good to me when I go to visit. Despite being in their early 80s when I went back to Ireland to visit them for a week recently, they still want to do everything for me and I practically have to wrestle the dishcloth from my dad's hands before he'll allow me to even help him wash the dishes after a meal! I think no matter how old we all get they still see me as their little girl and they love nothing more than having myself or my sister visit so they can spoil us.

sirkkis said...

Great, unique paintings with beautiful colour. Love, especially the last one. Happy PPF ♥

Arnoldo L. Romero, MLA said...

I believe anyone can be taken advantage of, if they are not assertive enough to say and/or do something about it. In the case of parents being taken advantage by their children, I believe it's because they don't understand the importance of hard love, or they are trying to make up for past faults. Anyway, I love your first portrait in its different color versions, as well as the "Less of the Same" portrait. Although they do evoke very different feelings… vulnerability vs. resilience. Happy PPF, my dear friend!

Tiffany Hiller said...

I always enjoy reading your posts, and find myself rereading them several times. I don't often comment, because I find myself deep in thought, and absorbing your words. Just wanted to say thank you.

Faye said...

As they say around here: "You've said a mouthful!". Some of the traits we are taught or not taught are the very ones that get passed along to the next generation. I had too high expectations of my parents and of course they disappointed me sometimes. One of my children picked this attitude up and I could never live up to expectations. The other one saw my flaws, and today is the tolerant one. Always enjoy your observations as well as your art.

June Walker said...

Lovely artwork! Thoughtful words! I love the pink hair!!

Denise Alloca said...

Wow love your post, words that sound familiar written so well!
Great images, color, everything!

Christine said...

This post really makes you think... the problem starts when you get older and maybe we as parents have to accept our own limitations and speak out somehow (on babysitting,etc), I sure hope it won't come to that one day. Great funky art too.

Katie Jeanne said...

Glad you like my idea, G. You definitely made it all your own. :) Love the pink hair.

SLScheibe said...

That's a very thoughtful post. My parents are in their late 60s/early 70s and still happily going strong. They're still young though (I think). They don't ever ask for anything and it's always a joy to see them. I feel lucky.

I love your colorful art as always. It's always so bright and cheerful!

Jo said...

Oh. I can so relate to so much of what you said, especially with my own mother's aging the last several months and the changes she is undertaking as she sets out on her new journey. You talk so much truth and about life. Real and raw. I love your pink hair girl series and I have enjoyed following you on IG. hugs to you.

GlorV1 said...

Enjoyed your post and loved your drawings. Your post I took very much to heart. That's all I have to say about that. A lot to think about. I'll more than likely re-read it, probably because I need to. Sounds like I'm experiencing a lirrle of that right now.

Laney said...

I love your pink haired girl! Like the way you show your paintings in different colors.

Maarit at Violets Corner said...

Good thoughts and interesting paintings, your daughter is fabulous. Love the post you made for Beardo's Birthday, I so hope he had a wonderful day.

Happy Friday, sweetie!

Love and hugs
Maarit

sheila 77 said...

I suppose it can depend on the mother how this will turn out, after all she started it!
Your portraits here are lovely, especially the first one with the pink hair, and the last, such a thoughtful gentle lady.

Janet said...

Your girls with brightly colored hair are just great! You always inspire me both with your art and with your words. As I get older I understand more and more that there are just some things I can no longer do. I know if my kids lived nearby they would take up the slack. When my son visits for several months at a time I always tease him that I get spoiled having him do so much for me but he says he enjoys it.

Suz said...

Wonderful post! I am so proud of my little gal. She has her own life but askes my opinion too. She is a good girl and helps whenever I ask. I try not to ask. I guess eventually we all go through the taking care of parents if we have compassion. It's hard not to do everything for your kids but it doesn't really help them in the end. I think we done good. lol

Suz said...

Well, I forgot to say what I came here to say, haha I LOVE LOVE THE PINK HAIRED GIRL. You shall be my inspiration for next week!

denthe said...

Love your pink-haired lady! You always make the greatest teeth :-) It sometimes saddens me to see grandparents burdened with the care for their grand-children, day in day out, when they should be enjoying the tranquility of older age. I always wonder how their children don't see what a burden it can be at an older age. But in the end I think it's up to the parents to say when enough is enough. It's difficult, yes, and it can mean taking the risk of seeing less of your children. But if that's the case I can't help wondering whether those visits are really out of love ...

JKW said...

The ladies are lovely. . .the dots were great. Blessings, Janet PPF

My name is Erika. said...

I look forward to your words of wisdom and your bright colors. They always put a smile on my face!

Carol said...

Once more a post full of great art an amazing words. Just this week I found myself thinking that it really isn't necessary that I do such a big garden and have so many flowers. Yes I love them all but I just don't have the energy I used to . I thought when I went to part time it would be better and it is but I still try to do too much. It's my nature always has been and probably always will be .

Carol said...

>>> and yes your daughter is an amazing WOMAN!!!!!!

Aga Gasiniak said...

Lovely post and art pieces! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and creativity!

Wanda said...

What great insight, and a truly generous person you are. I'm 74, my dearest 77. Our 4 adult children and our adult grandchildren are stepping up.... I love it...You never know how much it means until you are there.

Your faces are wonderful and share the moods and changes and places we are.

Thanks so much for taking the time to share this important message.

Hugs.

Joanna said...

Thought provoking post and wonderful artwork too!

Your daughter sounds delightful, good job Mom!

J C said...

Kudos to you for the way you raised cupcake!

Paper rainbow said...

I really love your Artwork this week! Words of wisdom as always. i love visiting your space!

Julie Ann Lee said...

Sorry I'm so late to the party this week! I loved your post again. Your pink-haired girl is so beautiful: I love Claire's girls too. I expect I've said this before, but I so love how vibrant the colours in your artwork are. I always imagine you as a very colourful person. Every week you have words of wisdom and they always make me think afresh about the world. I've been busy this week looking after my Mum who has a chest infection. I think she's getting better, but at 86 it isn't easy to recover from these things. xx

Beth Niquette said...

It is so interesting--what you wrote. When I was young, we called our parents, "The Parents." As though they didn't have an identity other than that. I was older when I suddenly realized my Dad and Mom (especially Mumsie) had feelings and were actual human beings. When we are young, I think we are centered on ourselves a lot. Growing up entails learning that others look at life through their own eyes--and experience both laughter and tears.... thank you for your thoughtful comments.

Kim Dellow said...

Great post and fabulous art always fabulous to read! I love your shares. Thank you for linking to Show Your face, for your sharing and for your shout out too! Kx

Indira said...

Very well said and well expressed artistically too. My adult daughter is visiting me now and what you have said resonates.

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