Acrylic panel done on canvas I'm not happy with this photo, it's much more vivid looking in person.
During the last post Granny Smith asked what the affect of divorce has been on my daughter! Can one really know what the full affect is? I can tell you the grief never ends. Issues I contended with oh so long ago now plague her. Fortunately she has better boundaries than I had. The relationship is fraught with disappointment. Nothing a mother would wish on her child. Sadly I’ve been stunned by how things transpired for her during and after divorce, with still no relief in sight! This poem sums up my little piccolo also known as the flute!
“There’s one too many women living in this house.” mom said with a vengeance! I was seventeen. So we bought a mobile home, then asked them to sign the papers so we could be married. It was fully furnished, but wasn’t delivered until three weeks after the nuptials. We grudgingly stayed with mom and dad a few weeks longer.
It was a very small ceremony. Dad greeted me at the door of the church. A place I sought solace most of my childhood. I cried that ugly cry all the way down the isle. I hated the thought of losing my last name. Was it the sign of a mistake? Possibly! It was too late. With ongoing turmoil between mother and I it was a very cognitive solution for a mature teen. I was homesick that first year, regularly calling in pursuit of a shopping date with mom. She was either busy or planned something with her sister. After months of attempts with a negative response, I stopped asking. I lived forty five minutes away; surprise visits seemed out of the question, yet I attempted that as well.In retrospect I can see she was relieved I was gone. Soon I stopped being homesick and resigned myself to being a wife. A damn good one at that. Just seventeen I made bread, soups and baked from scratch. I bought only meager necessities in order to save. At twenty one we bought our first house and paid cash for top of the line appliances.
I sacrificed a lot back then. Would I do it again? Probably not! I would have married someone more suitable with common interests, someone kinder. For years, we ambled through. I was the dutiful housewife during the whole marriage. To be honest I became covertly ambivalent, and rebellious. Around the seven year mark I devised my own life within the marriage.
I had a good job, a great network of friends. He was anti social, would only drag along on rare occasions, where he sat staring at me the whole night as I flitted from place to place socializing. Angst befell me, knowing he wanted to leave almost as soon as we arrived anywhere. Eventually I went most places alone. I finally left for a stint, but returned Six weeks later unsure of my choice Back in the home I kept my new adopted independence within the marriage.
It was at the twelve year mark we decided to take a huge leap and buy a new home. Four times the size of our thousand square foot first home. It was on an acre property. The day we signed the papers for that big house, I got pregnant. I was shocked and thrilled all at once! It was a beautiful home with a circular staircase, as well as a cathedral staircase. I had it made, so I thought!.Beautiful new home and new baby on the way!
I worked like a Trojan to keep up the forty four hundred square foot home, painted the whole inside, raised a baby and worked full time. It was during that time I acquired the nick name midnight maid. I barely slept. We entertained every weekend, playing cards and board games with friends, I made gourmet meals of scallop St Jacques and we drank special coffees with whip cream.I was super woman, with a European work ethic.
Physically life was fun, I adored motherhood and all my friendships. But I was disconnected from my husband. Outside appearances, all was fine. Except for the continuous contemptible humor we slung at each other. A few ugly domestic occurrences gave me pause. Soon I was rethinking my life, my daughter’s life. Three years later we bought another home, twenty two hundred square foot rancher in a quaint neighborhood for our child. The beautifully manicured half acre property with a gazebo covering the hot tub just off the master suite was a minor diversion from underlying marital discord . It was my dream home, with a huge country kitchen decked out in pink corian counter tops and a fireplace. Every single morning when I entered that kitchen I said a quiet prayer of thanks to god! Still a huge void almost swallowed me up. I realized there was an entity living in my space that was emotionally unavailable to all in the home and those who visited. I sought help, to no avail. Things escalated to scary proportions. We were working on the logistics of a split. It didn’t end well, things got very ugly. Sadly I have no desire to even see or speak to him. Although I have moved on and forgiven all the ugliness that transpired in our relationship. I'm still forced to observe from afar the continued injustices with others. Be careful who you choose as a life mate, because it never really ends!
It’s exactly eleven years almost to the day that my divorce was finalized! A few years back three friends and I had a mock wedding. We dressed up, played the song "imagine", vowed to be true ourselves first, bought rings to commemorate the festive occasion! A reporter even entered photos of our crazy antics in the local paper! I have been living happily every after since!
Would I want a legal wedding again? Probably not! No wedding for me!
Lucy asked me to write about 5 specific ways blogging has affected me either positively or negatively.
I’m sure I did this one already. But because I’m a Gemini I’m sure my other twin self wouldn’t mind participating! Please join me in doing this meme, I'm always interested in reading the answers!
1 Blogging reintroduced me to a childhood passion of writing regularly. I wrote a lot of poetry as a kid. A teacher asked me to write and perform a song for Beowulf my high school Play. I couldn't even remember the words or tune if I tried.
2. I have accumulated a large body of poetry, and more writing discipline since blogging. Editing can be an embarrassmentIf I write late at night. I'm mortified the next day to see all the blatant mistakes. Surprisingly it doesn’t chase people away!
3.My mind is forced to expand as I search for different things to post. I have no interest or time to be drawn into petty dalliances. Instead I’m always looking for authenticity, intimacy, creativity, spirit, humor, substance and fun!
4 I look forward to blogging, enjoy the mystery of it too! Never knowing where it’s headed! Friends with blogs inspire me, support me, and I feel like I know them because many posts are extremely intimate. It’s taken me down a wider creative path, introduced me to so many like minded individuals. I can’t even imagine my life without it!
5 The negatives could be turned into positives. I’ve had to learn some HTML, the positive is,,,,I have learned some HTML and other types of formatting, which can take hours and hours out of your life. I think I AM getting to be a computer nerd. It's filled a void during times when I have been physically restricted. Like Lucy, my housework suffers… I look at it this way, if you die at least you have left something of yourself to read…who cares if your house is perfect! I’ve been there and done that for YEARS AND YEARS LIKE A CRAZY PERSON! Now I am a computer nerd…who really cares! Besides there are three adults living in this house, if we all do a bit… then it gets done!
Happy Birthday Tammy It wasn't finished until very late!
Many of you know our Daily Warrior as an extremely loving and kind woman struggling daily with ALS also known as Lou Gehrigs disease. You only have to read Tammy's blog to know despite her struggles she pushes on, inspiring many with her tenacity. Tammy has been known to produce some very poignant pieces of literature with only one finger. I think she’s absolutely amazing.
Tammy exposes her authentic self to all those willing to take a peek into her life. Her blog is forthright and poignant. It’s rare that I don’t come away with my emotions being jerked from one end of the spectrum to the other. She has something to teach all of us about adversity, resilience, and tenacity of the human spirit.
She’s been working on some personal writing for the last while and hasn’t been posting as regularly. But I can assure you when she is done putting together a book it will be a spectacular piece of writing! I look forward to reading whatever she writes!
I thought I would do this little Caricature of her, Dave and their dog Nikki with a haircut to surprise her. I sure hope she stops by to have a boo at it!
Hope you had a marvelous celebration Tammy! Love and Hugs to you!
I started a poem in the car the other day, I keep forgetting to bring it upstairs to complete and enter into the computer. My knee doesn't like repeated trips up and down the stairs lately! So if I don't remember it the first time then it has to stay down there! Instead I took this off Queen-sized funny bones blog. Looks like a meme to me! Join in if you wish, I would love to read your answers!
Complete each sentence.
I am: and artistic love goddess who writes poetry.
I think: positive in most cases
I know: happiness comes from within
I have: overcome lots of adversity and have abundant love in my life!
I wish: for all my dreams to come true and I have many!
I hate: very little, except stew
I miss: my youth and being more active
I fear: oppression, Mother Nature and creative blocks
I hear: whispers of intuition, poetry and art!
I smell: very fresh because I just bathed and doused in perfume!
I crave: popcorn, but too many carbs are not my friend.
I search: for art, wisdom and knowledge on many websites
I wonder: why some people are so unrealistic about life, children and politics
I regret: making some unwise choices in my youth
I love: life, many people, food, games, learning
I ache: for children who are neglected, abused and misunderstood
I am not: thin or quick any longer
I believe: in a higher power, Karma so to speak,
I dance: rarely anymore, especially since my knee has been wrecked.
I sing: along with Bryans tunes, but haven't sang much in 15 years. It used to be a favorite pastime!
I cry: as privately as I can, during movies, and with empathy for the unfortunate.
I fight: For the rights of children to be heard, understood and protected.
I win: because I’m a WINNER PEOPLE….ARE YOU A WINNER???….keep saying it…it works.
I lose: mundane things all the time but weight is what I would like to lose most.
I never: like to say the word never because it bites me in the ass every time!
I always:try to keep in touch with my children and connect with them often.
I confuse: people because I often change my mind about things!! I can’t just make one choice….I’m a Gemini I like more than one thing and despise being pinned down to one answer, one choice, one version, one anything. In fact I like things paired up, candle sticks, towels, and most things.
I listen: to music, and intimate conversations with an open mind.
I can usually be found: creating something on the computer, or otherwise.
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I am scared: war and fanatics of any kind!
I need: peace, love and harmony in my life, a printer, more ram for my computer and a bushel of money too! lol
I am happy about: My creative endeavors, my kids, my friends, my family, my life!
I imagine: A world in harmony, where everyone finds their personal gift, feels less inclined to be a slave to material items, are charitable and where I can be lucrative with my art!
For Sunday Scribblings this week prompt is invitations. So I invite you to join in this meme found on Mimi's blog! Please let me know if you play along.
1. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back? Nope, except for a boyfriend I had at when I was eleven. A year younger than me he was a mature sweet young man, later when I was married I met up with him, the chemistry was still there! The rest I’ll leave to your imagination!
2. What was the first car you drove? What happened to it? I drove a red Plymouth cricket for five years until it died, never to be driven again! It was two thousand, two hundred dollars brand new; I had it before my license and the worst investment we ever made as a married couple.
3. What’s the longest amount of time you have driven a car non-stop? A few hours, on a four hour stint to Cache Creek I need to stop along the way, and enjoy the trip. My dad was the same and would always stop several times on a road trip. So enjoyable!
4. Have you ever been stood up on a date? If yes, when? Who me! Who was married almost my whole life and then swore off dating! What do you think? Bows head sheepishly!
5. What TV network do you watch the most? Television frustrates me as of late…the last four years. You get emotionally attached to a show and they rip it out from under you! The episodes are way too short with too many commercials.You look forward to watching and they play a damn rerun!! rrrr. I like CNN, Public Television, and local station. I never pay attention to one network over the other! I like HGTV, SLICE too!
6. Pick out a song you like that has special meaning to you. Share with us what song is it, and what’s the meaning to you. This is the hardest question of all, because I love such a huge variety of music. Outside of the fact that "Imagine" is my favorite song of all time. “ Donkey Serenade" was a song my dad sang to me, and we sang together my whole childhood. I loved his voice and that song, it’s very old and not many probably know it! My daughters boss took us on a Limo party and surprised me by playing that song! It was so special!
7. Who was your first celebrity crush on? This is an odd one, I asked my dad at ten if it was okay to think Herschel Bernardi thirty three years older than me was sexy. In turn, dad said to me “each to their own said the man as he kissed the cow” A Scottish saying affirming that everyone has their own taste! He was my first crush!Other than him I have never been star struck!
8. What is your favorite romantic comedy movie? As Good as it Gets, Moonstruck, Pretty Woman and There’s Something about Mary ….don’t make me pick, but it’s in that order! The first three I could watch over and over again….along with “Maid in Manhattan.” The last one changed my life because I laughed so hard…. I need to be in the mood to watch that one though!
9. It has been said, "First Loves Are Never Over." Is this true for you? Yes I think my first love was pretty special.I was a pretty fickle girl back then but I still think of him at 52 and wonder how his life turned out.
Today I had breakfast at a little old cafe in Surrey, it was scrumptious! Then Laura and I took a jaunt through a thrift store. I bought a fitted bra as a canvas for next years bras for the cause. Then I went to pick up Bryan's shoes at a Delta shoe repair. I took the shoes in at the end of June; it's a bit out of my way so I usually plan to do a few errands in the area before I pick up my repairs. It was two weeks later, beginning of July when we stopped by to pick them up. The store was closed with a note on the door that said, "had to have a operation be back in august". It’s mid Sept and I finally remember to pick up the shoes. I walk in, twenty bucks in hand, see the size twelve pointed men’s shoes on the top shelf and report in a gleeful voice “there they are!" Pleased there’d be no search for them.
The middle aged Italian repair guy seemed confused. I'm not sure if he was just trying to keep me around longer or what. He put the shoes on the counter, I slapped down the twenty, but he wasn't convinced they were my shoes. I assured him they were, conveying that I paid $69.99 for them at Winners after a two year search. Telling him my son-in-law loves the shoes and broke the elastic on one of the buckles. He said he put new heals on them. I concurred that we also had new heals put on! Shoe dude was not convinced by me, said they belonged to a nurse. I assured him "I'm not a nurse but I did get my hair cut so maybe that's why you don't recognize me". He was pulling at my sunglasses to see my eyes. All the while I'm thinkin, I'm not playin this nurse game with you dude!He insisted they weren't my shoes because they were for a nurse. I persisted they were mine, it was very uncomfortable, as there was another fellow in the shop with him. Shoe dude hadn't written my name or number on his half of the receipt, Pepper had the receipt from the last time we tried to get them. He kept looking for other shoes, finally after much talking; he checked the elastic and realized they were mine.
I think the guy has nurses on the brain....from that operation of his. I noticed his full head of once grey hair was now dyed....hmmmm wonder what kind of operation the guy had? I was getting ready to snap...thankfully I was patient. Because when I snap, my wit becomes my weapon....nasty is me when that happens! The longer I stood there the more ammunition my keen observation was incurring! Too bad he’s such a damn good repair guy, other wise I’d not go back….creepy!
Thirteen photos for Thursday Thirteen, taken from my car window, during my drive through Surrey and Delta on a cloudy September day!Edward Sissorhands trims the trees.Impatients in tree form at the Surrey Arts Center
Click image to enlarge This is a blogging meme I found over at Mimi's blog. Be sure to participate in Mimi's blogblast for peace on Nov 6th/2008. You can click on the logo on my side bar for more information!
1.How long have you been blogging? For two and a half years now.
2. Any advice to beginners? A) Make sure to visit other blogs and comment often. It will lead others back to check on you! If they like you they’ll return. B) Find your Niche, whether it’s art, motherhood, fashion, comedy! C) Be very careful what you write, it is out in the universe and in google FOREVER. Being kind is important. D) If you want to be controversial expect the controversy to return! But it will bring readers and spam, if you dare to brave it.
3. What are the good things blogging has brought to your life? It’s changed my life in many ways. I’ve become a more disciplined writer. It’s expanded my creativity, and world. It’s brought wonderful new people into my life, I’m able to express my intimate side in ways I never would verbally!
4. What would you consider the pitfalls? A) Blogging can be demanding. It’s a bit like a nagging mother, Sometimes you just want to ignore it, but you feel guilty if you don’t succumb. B) Many artists like doing swaps, I feel bad when I don’t do them. C) But I have no desire to; it’s too expensive and time consuming for me! D) If you have any regrets about things you posted it can’t be retrieved!
5. Tell us about your blog name. Ever think of changing it? If so, to what? Why? My blog name was born from my other passion, scrabble. I love words, always have. Before blogging and art I was happiest playing on-line scrabble…..I was a very happy Tiler….hence the name! It works for me as an artist. But I have scooped another blog name for down the road if I need a change. I won’t reveal it until I figure how I might make the transition.
6. Knowing what you know now, was starting a blog a good thing for you? Why or why not? A very good move. I write constantly. It’s improved my quality of life immensely as I’ve discovered the artist within. I look at the world a little different. I now enjoy reading blogs it opens up my perspective. I am in a constant state of learning, which is another obsession!
7. How do you think blogging, bloggers, or the blogosphere has changed since you started? Well the improvement on blogger is a plus. More technology makes it easier to post. Wider range of people blogging! And a huge voice of women who are often suppressed and edited in a television format! Woman are speaking out and reaching out to others. It’s fabulous.
8. Ultimately, what would you like your blog to accomplish for you or others? Ultimately my blog was started as a writing discipline for me and a legacy for my family. Although that’s important, I feel I have so much more to share. I’d like to inspire people, women in particular to find their inner power (or inner music) their god given gift, whatever that may be. I’d like to be able to inspire others to feel a deep inner contentment. Knowing it comes from finding your true love within!
Please let me know if and when you participate in this meme, I'd love to read your answers!
My friend Dream Goddess and I had coffee at the beach last night. It was so warm yesterday the sunset was breath taking! I didn't quite capture the sunset as I would have liked. I doctored the photo to get this! She took a couple of pictures of me but they didn't register on the camera, I may need a new card!
Cut the crap ::Be truthful to yourself.....asking what I want is something I never did until now, it's freeing!
Scent ::aroma of coffee, good perfume, baked bread and Christmas baking makes me happy
Vanishing ::ire is a great start to peace
Wetness ::rain abounds us living in British Columbia....but I love the cozy days by the fire.
Cheap ::thrill is playing scrabble, or laughing until I almost pee my pants!
Badges ::of honor and courage are worn by many of my friends.
Puppy :: love....I love puppies and dogs in general, I feel myself weakening!
Problem solver ::wise old crone...would be me and most of my gal pals.
Gambling ::addiction, I think my mom had a slight one, not to the point of affecting our lives because she was so frugal....but just for a bit of pleasure and within reason she loved to gamble. Reno being her favorite place to go!
Sophia ::Loren I am always reminded of her when I see Angelina Jolie!
Queensized asked when my painting took hold, so I decided to respond on my blog. I had no idea I could even draw a stick until I was 47 years old. My friend Violette saw how colorful and well put together my house was, she recommended I start a visual journal. It was a low point in my life, so I got a sketch pad at the dollar store and went to town. At first all these faces came about, I used sharpy pens to draw, then color them. Then a strange thing happened. Each face came with a unique name, so I wrote the names below each drawing. Another friend mentioned that one of the names was an old Nordic name, the people were known to be red heads. It was a name she recognized but I had never heard. The character I drew happened to have red hair. Keep in mind they weren't very good drawings either...I was just exploring this avenue. At the time I had no clue what anything meant.
Now when I look back, I see I may have had a slight bit of anger with men. I always seemed to sketch angry men. Not one to get mad very often I guess maybe I had a slight bit of suppressed anger from a messy divorce. Anyway, this discovery lead to digital art which you see a lot of on my blog, my acrylic Jayna's angels and the flower panel which I just completed upon request! So anyone on a quest of self discovery should take a pen, pencil or sharpy to paper and tap into yourself. I think you'll be surprise where it takes you. It may start out as a poem, a thought, or a pattern of color. Continue to delve into anything that surfaces, you will get better with practice.There is no need to share it with others until you feel safe/
My friends book Journal Bliss comes out on the 29th of April I will announce it again....I hope you will read her story and journaling tips...she is an awesome inspiration in person....I have no doubt her book will be too! I attribute all my art to being at the lowest point of my life and to Violette pointing me in the direction of my soul! I'm so glad I found the me I was meant to be!
This is Sue Magic. I took her, with two other squares into the fabric store today! The panels could be embellished, made into wall hangings, pillows, or bags.All three were so well received by the lovely employees. It was a thrill to hear their reactions. Her eyelashes were done last minute. Being so rushed this morning I was unable to get a proper photo of the finished product, but you get the idea!
Originally she had a pinkish background and wore a long teal dress with huge buttons, and yellow polka-dot boots. But the outfit didn't suit her. Pepper agreed. So I painted her in capri's, and changed the background to blue... I have no idea why either....
One of the sweet ladies shared that it made her feel so happy just looking at my painting! That was such an exciting compliment for me, because I am all about making happiness where I can. She has a scooter the exact same color too! So if you see a lady in White Rock riding around on a blue scooter, with Sue Magic on her jean jacket, say hi and tell her you know me!!
Sunday Scribblingsthis weeks prompt is "Coffee," a subject dear to my heart!
I LOVE a morning coffee, which my dear son in-law will often bring up to the computer for me on his day off. Never quite knowing how much I appreciate that. For all the coffee in my life that I have served it's very exciting to be on the receiving end.
I've always been a social coffee drinker and rarely start a pot just for myself. Except for that morning brew, which I will set up the night ahead for the kids. I alternate with those Mary Naylor mugs which are unfortunately getting very chipped now!
Not one to frequent Starbucks I do buy the beans from Costco, it's a favorite indulgence, my reward for rarely buying a coffee out! Because of my history of drinking really high quality brew my stomach does not take kindly to inferiorblends.
For sixteen years my father worked for a coffee company that a family friend ran. He always brought home special blends of coffee that smelled so scrumptious. Starting from the age of eight, the rule was, first one up started the coffee! We had a pot of coffee brewing from early morning until late at night, with many pots in-between.
At first we perked in on the stove which I have on occasion done when my drip pot has failed me. In later years they had a plug in percolator! Mom had a beauty salon in our home growing up. I was expected to make sure a fresh pot of coffee was on, serve her customers and wash the mugs! Mom didn't hesitate to offer me coffee from the age of twelve on. I drank it on occasion and always loved it.
One day about twelve years ago I bought a bag of rice, either at costco or my regular supermarket, I can't recall. When I got it home I noticed it had different writing on the back. I was flabbergasted to realize that it was the name and address of the coffee company my dad worked at for sixteen years from the Nineteen- fifties when I was born, until early Nineteen-seventy!
The business had been started by my godfathers dad, and was named Johnson Brothers coffee and lasted two generations, until it was sold. I'm named after my godmother, his first wife, who was also my mothers best friend. Her daughter Kym, who I refer to as my cousin, is the granddaughter of the man who started the company. The business was long defunct when I bought this bag of rice. I have no idea whether they were old burlap sacks laying around somewhere. For Kym and I it's a message from beyond with both of our dads and her grandfather gone. A reminder of the good times we had as children. Our dads, coffee beans, camping, and the bond that binds us to this day!
Acrylic panel done on canvas
